Seven Quick Takes – The Return

1.

I didn’t fall off the face of the planet, although I feel like it some days. Our life took a 180 degree turn in a short time and we were just trying to stay afloat. My husband finished and defended his thesis after many, many, all nighters (as in, 3 weeks of less than 3 hours sleep a night) for all of us. I was so happy when he defended and was awarded his degree that I couldn’t stop crying. It was a long and very hard chapter for us in so many ways. I am thankful we made sacrifices for the future of our family – but oh so happy it is over. If we had to go back, I don’t know if we would do it again. Think twice about graduate school and 3 kids under 3. It’s hard. Really, really difficult.

2.

If all that wasn’t enough – we moved the same week he was finishing the thesis. Yes, we’ve moved! We said goodbye to apartment living (thank God) and are now in a lovely duplex with about twice the living space we had before. Several friends commented on how they didn’t know how I did it while we were living in our apartment and to be honest, it kind of bothered me. I didn’t know it wasn’t “good enough” until people started telling me it wasn’t good enough. However, now that we are in a space that actually works for our family, I am so happy I didn’t know what I was missing. I really don’t think I could have done it if I had known what I was missing. Life is much more manageable here for us all.

Moving/thesis month

3.

My husband turned 30! We have now both moved into our thirties and both events were - uneventful. My birthday feel while I was still pregnant with Elena and we were offered free babysitting by my family so we could go out. I was too tired and not feeling well and opted to go to bed at 8pm instead. Boy, did that make me feel old! Joseph’s birthday feel during the same week as the thesis and the big move. Our big girls were in my hometown with my mom so we could work/pack and he was on his 3rd all nighter in a row. There was no celebration. The next week when the big gals returned Tessa was adamant we “make” him a “surprise” party when he got home from work. It was the first time she really had her own idea about something we should do and brought it to me to ask for permission. She was so excited. We made a cake and the gals screamed SURPRISE when daddy came home and then grabbed his hands and lead him to his cake. The joy these girls got from making something for their daddy was birthday present enough for us both. Our thirties will be great!

Daddy's "party" otherwise known as dinner

4.

Baby Laney is doing well. She has had a few medical concerns come up. Sometimes she has trouble breathing. We’ve seen her specialist/cardiologist and he sent us onto an ENT. I was very impressed that he researched Loeys-Ditez before our appointment and really trust him. It is such a blessing when you find a doctor you can trust. We are now working on a project where we are trying to videotape her when she starts to have one of her episodes so we can e-mail it to the ENT. He also gave us some tips on how to help her when she is struggling by holding her in different positions. I’m confident it is just a small bump in the road and all will be fine.

feeding Elena before an apt. at the Children's Hospital

5.

I’m in the middle of another struggle in my never-ending discernment of working outside of the home. Why this issue haunts me I do not know. I’ll have more once I share first with those it impacts the most. I am reminded more and more through this struggle that I am so blessed by my work at home job. I love that job so much. It does stress me out here and there, but the pros FAR out-weigh the cons and I am so thankful for the job and the families/friends that have provided our family with the opportunity. I’ve been doing it for over two and a half year, which is the longest I have ever stayed at a job. That really says something.

6.

I can’t believe I am saying this, but I am really starting to think about home-schooling. WHAT? I have always said I love the idea of home-school but could never, ever do it. I also said that I wouldn’t shut the door, even though I knew God would not knock on that door. Well, you know that saying, “if you want to make God laugh, tell him your plans.” Sigh. I’ve been reading home-schooling books since I was pregnant with my first child with the understanding that just because I wasn’t going to be home-schooling that didn’t mean I wouldn’t be schooling my children at home. Parents are the first teachers of their children, no matter where they attend school. We’ve been doing research about schools and I just can’t find anything I like that doesn’t cost a ton of money. And, even the schools that cost a lot of money, then I feel like why pay money for something I can do myself? Lord, help me. And Lord help our families, whom I am sure will have some not-so-wonderful opinions. If I hear one more line about socialization I may scream. No decision has been made, not even close. I think we are down to Catholic school or home-schooling - or maybe even both, or different options for each child. Just something we are thinking about and thought I would put on my blog so I don’t have to tell people face-to-face. I’m chicken like that.

Such a happy girl

7.

That’s enough life changes for now, don’t you think? We’re finding a new normal that we really like over here. Part of that will be more committed and reserved blog time for me as well. I can’t wait. I’ve missed you all.

If you're thinking about having a baby - look at this picture. How can you not love looking at this every day?

Daybook – Memorial Day Weekend Edition

An update:
Adjustment to 3 little ladies has been wonderful. Elena is a great baby and we have been so blessed by expanding our family and its only been a month since her birth.

Bringing Elena home from the hospital.

It has been insane having a baby while Joseph starts a new job teaching and finishes his graduate thesis at the same time. It has been great, but really hard on me. I’ve been calling myself a “thesis widow.” Joseph works on his thesis every minute of the day when he isn’t teaching or commuting. We haven’t even really had a conversation in weeks. It’s hard, but I know it is needed to move our family forward, so the sacrifice will be worth it. He handed in his final draft on Friday and now we pray his committee says it is ready to defend. We’re really worried about that as he has had some issues with his committee and they have had issues among themselves about what they want from him. It’s really stressful. Things are changing and we are moving into a time of transition. We have hope it will all be worth it.

Anna wanted to "help" daddy revise his thesis

I really missed blogging and can’t stay away anymore! No matter how crazy life has been. I have to share my new little Laney Bug!

Daybook

Outside My Window ...
There are people moving into the condo across the way from us. Tessa’s been perching herself in the window to watch. She yells, “look mama! People, I see people!”

It’s really embarrassing, I’m afraid they’ll think she is held hostage or something. We really need to get these kids out more.

I am listening to...
Little baby coos. Laney is a wonderful baby, but she hyperventilates, snores and makes odd breathing noises far too often. I’ve never been one of those hovering moms that has a panic attack with every baby breathing sound. I do have to say I’ve never had a baby like this and it’s on my list for her first visit to the pediatrician.

To Live the Liturgy…
Tessa’s in love with Mary and talks often about how she is her best friend. It’s really cute. I need to capitalize on the interest and get some good scripture stories/activities going this week.

To be Fit and Happy….
I’m so happy to not be pregnant anymore! I put my real pants on last week and it felt great. Unfortunately, I didn’t get much milk again this go around (why don’t you work, body?!). I was able to pump and supplement up until this week when even the attempts to pump are bordering on the verge of not being worth it anymore. Still trying, but I think things are drying up. I’m back to my pre-pregnancy weight and losing about 2lbs a week, but I worry once I stop pumping I’ll start to gain. We’ll see.

Rocking the "mom of three" thing

I am thankful for:
Excellent medical care for Joseph and Elena

Family and friends who have been wonderful these past few weeks

My husband who is killing himself over his thesis in the hopes that it will bring good things for our family

The change of seasons (if it ever happens here in WI)

A new stage in life on the horizon

Little girls

From the kitchen ...
Anything anyone’s heart desires! I embarked on a massive shopping excursion today and the results were more than fruitful! The local circulars were amazing for the holiday weekend and I went to work putting those sales to good use.

I put a few hours of prep work in - matching items on sale to my stack of coupons from the last few Sunday papers and hit the store on double coupon day. The results were amazing. At Pick N Save my total bill came to $267. After my store card and manufacturer’s coupons I paid $145 and left the store with coupons for a free gallon of milk and 18 count carton of eggs on my next visit. I saved so much the computer didn’t like it and a manager had to be called to over ride my transaction. I have to admit, I was slightly embarrassed at first, but then I got really excited and super proud of myself.

Don’t get me wrong, I am not a coupon expert and am far from extreme couponing. The ads and sales were just really great this week due to the holiday weekend.

Hopefully the rest of the weekend will bring a cookout and some cooking/baking with the girls.

I am creating ...
Lists and lists of things I want to do, many of them writing projects. I’m also hoping to get the sewing machine out if we’re home tomorrow. We’re in need of some new placemats and I have tons of fabric waiting to be used.

I am working on……….
Creating more structure in our lives now that we are settled into a new “normal” with the addition of baby Elena and Joseph’s completion of school (almost, maybe).

I am reading….
Mother’s Manual – a beautiful book of prayer a friend of mine sent at the start of my pregnancy.

Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother – I actually finished this book last week, but I took notes in the hopes of writing a review/reflection on the book. I really enjoyed it.

Towards a real education ...
Both of our older girls are enjoying working on sounding out words and announcing what letter they start with. Tessa walks around the house and chatters away about everything she sees and what letter it starts with. As always with our genius Anna, you never know she is interested or has mastered an educational milestone until she starts muttering the correct answers under her breath from the corner of the room. They’re both doing well with identifying the correct starting letter. The biggest stumbling blocks are K’s and C’s and Q’s. I’m hoping to do a few more focused exercises in phonics in the very near future. I’m not exactly sure how to teach phonics, so any ideas for some over-eager 2 and 3 year-olds would be appreciated!

Bringing beauty to my home ...
Bleck. I’m trying to stop complaining about our home. I want our girls to always love “home” no matter how I feel about the physical place itself. We were hoping to move very soon. However, in the past we have made rash and poor decisions about moving, so we are trying to really discern and be overly prudent about what we do. Since nothing is locked up for long term employment for Joseph and we’ve had some new developments in our life, we think it best to hold off and pray on things more. So, I need to make a very conscience effort to keep this place as clean as possible. When a space is too small clutter and messiness only makes things worse.

I am hoping and praying….
For Elena. Her genetic tests came back and she did test positive for Loey-Dietz. Joseph’s doctor and PA were amazing and got her in right away for an echo and for us to talk with them. I’ll write a post about this all later this week, but many of you noticed my absence on the blogs and have e-mailed asking, so I thought I’d give an update!

On my mind……………
So many things on my mind these days. The winds of change are blowing. I know things are good, and the changes coming are good ones for our family. Change is hard for me though, so I’m trying to keep myself in a good place.

snuggles with daddy

A big purchase is also on our minds. We’ve had a dead van for almost a year now. Last week we had it towed away to a shop to be looked at and fixed. The mechanic called this week to say it would cost more than he had originally thought. Since we were already on the fence about putting so much money into that van, we are now looking at selling it to a salvage yard and buying something else. We have our eye on one and should know more before the weekend is over. It’s far from new, but it would be new to us. Having a 2nd vehicle again would be so awesome! We have some research to do to make sure we get the best deal on disposing of our old van and on buying a “new" one. We’ve vowed to never finance a vehicle again and to only buy something outright. So, lots of work to put into the process, but I’m really excited and hope the week brings new wheels!

One of my favorite things ...
Time with my husband! Since his thesis is either done or getting revisions right now, he’s done/on a break. Just to sit in front of the TV and have a conversation this weekend has been amazing. We’ve really missed him around here.

Baby coos. Elena coos. None of my babies have ever cooed or made as many cute little baby noises as she does. It is so precious. I’m sucking up every last minute of snuggles and newborn smell. She’s already growing and changing so fast. She is now 9.5 lbs and 22.5 inches. In 4 weeks she gained 2lbs and grew 2”.

Watching the older 2 becomes big sisters has been an even greater joy than I dreamed. They are both so loving and protective of her. A sibling really is the very best gift you can give your child.

Our first picture as a family of five

Updates and Prayer Buddy Reveal

First things First – Prayer Buddy Reveal
I’ve had the honor of praying for Christina this Lent! Christina takes amazing photos! I had such fun going back in her archives and seeing her gift come to life on her blog.
I won’t share her prayer intentions, but we had many in common this Lenten season and I felt so close to her knowing I could pray for these intentions as they weigh on someone else’s heart.
God Bless you, Christina! You have been close to my heart this Lent.

Update on Baby/the Amnio
Thanks so much for all of your prayers and messages. Still no baby! Here is the short version:

My BP has been CRAZY town and baby girl also seemed to not be so happy in her little home inside of mama. The specialist thought it may be best to go ahead and take her out. Hence, an amnio to check for lung development. No such luck. The amnio itself is more of a mind game than anything. It’s gross and they prepare you as if you are having surgery. That really messed with my mind. I made the mistake of looking at the giant needle before it went in. That was not smart. It did hurt, but it wasn’t too bad. The rest of the day was also filled with cramping and contractions. But, all worth it for the little lady.

The first week her lungs we no where near ready, so all of my care was switched to the specialist’s office over an hour away and I have had 3 appointments per week. Sigh. It’s been a juggling act with one car, Joseph’s school, thesis and interviews, the kids and all my appointments. But, it can only go on for so long.

We repeated the amnio last Thursday and although the lungs were STILL not developed, the number had doubled. My blood pressure had also gone down some and baby seems more pleased hanging out in mama. This time I was smart and just closed my eyes as soon as they brought the trey of stuff in and started sterilizing my belly. This helped with the fear a lot. But, this time the needle went in and I didn’t feel it come out. It stayed in. I started wondering what was happening.

“Why isn’t there fluid coming out?” the doctor asked the ultrasound tech (they do an ultrasound while doing an amnio so the doctor knows where the pockets of fluid are)

And then it happened. My baby started freaking out and I felt that needle jiggling all around inside of me. I FLIPPED out. In theory I knew they could see what was happening on the ultrasound, but my eyes were closed and I thought maybe they had stabbed my baby and I wanted them to know she was flipping out.

“Don’t worry, everything is fine clam down and don’t move” they told me.

Then the doctor started giving direction to the ultrasound tech who was a trainee. This is what I heard:

“The baby has grabbed the needle. Keep the view right there and don’t move it. We just have to wait for her to let it go. Come on baby, stop playing with it. Nobody move.”

My baby GRABBED the needle and was PLAYING WITH IT. Everyone had a good laugh when it was over. Only something odd like this would happen to me. I find it funny now, but I was not laughing then. It was creepy and it hurt and boy was I sore afterward. Now it’s just a good story. I think I have a little sassy gal on my hands already.

So, I’m still pregnant. I’m driving an hour to see the specialist, getting blood taken and turning in all my urine like it’s homework twice a week. I'm also seeing my regular doctor (who of course leaves on a 2 week vacation this Thursday) once a week here in my town. I am 38 and a half weeks and I guess all lungs are ready at 39 weeks, so we’ll see if maybe we have a baby this week.
All these false alarms have been great for one thing: we have finally decided on a name. It took forever and we have changed our minds about a million times, but we are confident this one is the keeper.

School/Job/Health Situations
It was truly Lent over here and I don’t want to speak too soon, but it is starting to feel like Easter now! My husband Joseph has turned in his graduate thesis and already locked down a teaching job for the summer at the UW school here in town. He is “thisclose” to locking down more teaching gigs at a college about an hour away and news on that should come this week. He will be teaching a mock class to their board of deans on Tuesday. Prayers for that, please. There are also a few other irons in the fire for the fall and I am starting to breath a little easier that there are jobs, GOOD jobs, out there for English instructors and that this was a sacrifice worth the time, stress and money for our family. We would still need to figure out insurance and if we would move somewhere more central like the Fox Valley, but thoe are stresses we have decided to save until baby is here, school is done and Joseph passes his health appointments (God willing!).

We are really praying this baby is born and we are out of the hospital by May 3rd which is when we have our appointments at Children’s hospital to genetically test the baby for Loeys-Dietz Syndrome and Joseph will have his big batch of check ups and tests. The weeks leading up to these appointments always turn me into an insomniac and a worried ball of nerves and stress as we have really been blindsided with bad news too often. We have really been praying for the worry to leave us so we may see the blessings in the next few weeks as Joseph finishes school and we welcome a baby. These are blessings for our family and we are trying so hard not to let fear and worry overshadow these things we prayed and worked so hard for.

Whew! That was a huge update! Thanks for sticking with me. Easter is here indeed. We had a lovely Holy Week and Easter Sunday and I hope to share some of it this week. Although, I REALLY hope I will be in the hospital holding a baby. This mama is done!

Happy Easter!

7 Quick Takes Friday 5/7/2010

1. I'm sad I haven't been too active on my blog. I don't want to blame it on time. As a general rule I think "no time" is a sorry excuse in life. We have time for what we make time for. God gave us 24 hours in a day for a reason, so if we aren't getting done what we need to get done, it is most likely a problem with our priorities.

That being said, my stress level has been high these days. I've been doing a lot of freelance writing gigs (for which I am very excited and grateful) that added with my job load and the kids has become a lot of "work" for a stay at home mom. The truth is, I am far from a SAHM and we're praying and discerning how we feel about that and what we want to do about it. If I'm going to be working so much, then maybe I need to be out there working and making a good salary. Something to pray about!

2. Last week I attended my first writing conference! It was amazing. I learned some very valuable lessons and feel I grew as a writer. I also noticed I was alone most of the weekend. Most writers had come with a buddy. So, I didn't find a critique partner or another at home non-fiction writer. But, that's ok, the weekend was still a huge success.

3. I decided to put my blog address on my business card. This led me to reflect on the purpose of my blog. I started the blog to document my time with my family and share ideas/advice/encouragement with other mamas. Since I began the blog over a year ago, I have grown in my freelancing and now wonder if I should pick a focus for the blog. It has become a mix and match of life as a faith filled mama writer. I'm still thinking about what to do. Advice is welcome.

4. I went to the doctor! If you know me, you know it's a big deal. I hate going to the doctor. I haven't been feeling well and finally decided I really needed to figure out why. I had some blood tests and did find a few reasons why I may not be feeling well. So, I'm now working on getting all my levels where they need to be. I'm starting to feel better already! Yeah!

5. Joseph and I are enjoying our evenings once again! Even though Anna still wakes about 3 times a night at 17 months, we have a great bed-time routine and come 7:30 every night, the gals are asleep and we have a few hours to ourselves to work, relax or actually have a conversation! Since our gals were so close together, we never had this time in between children, so it is welcomed after 2 and a half years. It 's a wonderful and much needed break.

6. I'm sooooooo ready to buy a home. After next week, Joseph will have one class and his thesis to complete before graduating with his masters! This means he could start working full time again! Please pray we can find something soon and know where we are going to stay. I want things to fall into place so badly because I am OVER renting. I'm ready for a house. It still may be a few years, but I'm starting to really really want it. I like to decorate and paint.

7. The summer is booking up! Wow! I can't believe how many things are already on the calendar for the summer. I'm really excited to be social and get the gals (and their parents) out of the house and into the world.

One of THOSE Moms

One of THOSE Moms

So here I am! I’m back. This month has been the longest, and hardest, of my life. I will never again complain about being stressed out and busy in life, unless I really am in one of these situations again. God willing, I won't be. In reality….it’s something to prepare for.

I heard once that people who struggle with stress, anxiety and worry should ask themselves this question:

Is this going to matter in five years?

If the answer is “yes” then one can feel justified in allowing these emotions to consume them. I’m not sure how I feel about it, but it has crossed my mind in the last month.

I have so many things to work through with what we have been through, and don’t think the blog is the best place to do so, at least not right now. I will give this update though:

Joseph is doing well and seems to have recovered well from his surgery and set back. The process is taking much longer than it did three years ago when he had heart surgery, but the doctors say that is to be expected with having to go into the chest a second time. His spirits are high, and his doctors have said if he feels able, he should be able to resume his graduate program in September! Thank you all for your prayers and messages, they really meant so much to me and I will get around to addressing them. This brings me to a question for my fellow writers out there:

I’ve been writing a lot lately, big life events tend to do that to a writer. I’m using some of these things for some pieces I will be submitting, so I don’t know how much to share on the blog—thoughts—rules of the writing/blogging game? I would love to hear about how the rest of you wordsmiths deal with this.

Now, onto more important things – my children, and the reason for the title of this entry.
I always told myself I won’t be “one of THOSE moms.” I said this in reference to many things. One of these things has to do with art projects and general creative F-U-N. It is so very important to Joseph and I to nurture and affirm the creative development of our children. In doing so, I don’t mean that I want to “do” their projects for them, like SOME moms. I really want to provide them with the opportunity to be creative and to teach them, form a very young age, to create. I know some of my friends and family think I'm nuts for giving art projects to 6 month old babies, but I don’t want then to ever remember a time when they didn’t create! So, we WILL do projects in this home, and I WON’T be one of THOSE moms who directs/does the work for the child. They don’t need me, they are brilliant just being themselves.

Anna seems to take to the painting much more than Tessa. I remember doing projects with Tessa when she was Anna’s age and she tended to like taking apart and putting together the materials more than she liked actually using them. She also would rather play in the water bowl that I always have on hand for a project. We are realizing how very much she LOVES anything that has anything to do with water. She even talks to water, when she sees it and when she is laying in her bed at night talking to herself—it is all about water. She loves to swim and even goes under the water already. Joseph (a swimmer himself) is so very proud!

Anna LOVED the painting. She seemed to like how it felt on her hands and enjoyed moving it around on the paper. Like all things Anna does, she was very focused and pleased with having a task at hand—while Tessa screamed and danced and splashed in the “WAAAAAAAAHHHHHHYAAAAAARRRRRR”

Aunt Karyi and Daddy were here for the memory making day. It was very close to a perfect weekend! It was the first time, in a long time, we have felt semi-normal – like a family – not a “sick” family.

It was so needed.

Back to School...We're Moving!!!

Back to School

Well, after weeks of praying, phone calls, mountains of paper work, and several money discussions, we have decided that Joseph will be finishing his graduate degree in English at UW-O!

We are so excited for the opportunity for Joseph to finish this program (he is about half way there) and get him onto a career path he feels good about spiritually, financially and creatively. After years of living paycheck to paycheck, we are willing to make that extra commitment to rough it for one more year with the promise of a more financially sound future for our family. As an extra special bonus, this move will allow Joseph to pursue some of his creative dreams, as he has discerned are not just dreams, but a calling.

I personally am very excited about all of this for many reasons:

1. God willing (we REALLY need to unload our lease) we will be moving back to Oshkosh. Joseph and I feel in love and got married in Oshkosh, so I feel the Sprit is truly alive there! It would be my dream to set up camp and stay put. Visions of home ownership and sending our kids to Catholic schools in Oshkosh dance in my head as I drift off every night---but I don’t want to get too far ahead of myself!

2. I have never made it a secret that I really don’t like Milwaukee and do not want to raise our children here. Now, I really don’t have anything against Milwaukee, and I have made some wonderful friends here, I just don’t feel like it is our “home.” I have always lived my life on feeling and intuition, so this nagging feeling that Milwaukee is not where we are going to be has been eating and eating at me. I did enjoy my time here and the company we kept here. I have every intension of not only keeping these relationships, but nourishing them. I’m even hoping to continue coming down to our mom’s/play group once a month.

3. The man I feel in love with 4 years ago while in gradate school at Oshkosh was full of ideas and dreams. He thrived on brainstorming sessions and possibility. As life has handed us some challenging times, I saw this part of him slowly whither away. I’m so happy God has helped him see that this part of him does not have to change just because he is a husband and father. Seeing the glimmer back in his eye has been heaven to witness!



As for work, I will continue on with my jobs (working from home is amazing in this type of situation) and Joseph will be staying on as a consultant with the AOP, something he can do at home. He will also have an assistantship at the University.

Please pray for our family during this stressful and exciting time! We are trying to orchestrate the perfect storm here, as many things need to fall into place for this to happen. Because we do budget out almost everything that comes in, there is little room for “moving extras.” However, enough things have come together that I thought it was time to share this prayer with our friends and the blogging world.

Before we can make the big move:
Joseph has to “pass” his heart appointments next week.
We must find someone to take over our lease.
We have to find somewhere to live and secure the money to do so.

Please keep us in your prayers!!