A Theological Crisis in the Bathroom

Last night was crazy here in Central Wisconsin! Out of no where the temperature went up to over 80 degrees and brought with it a lot of severe storms. Joseph took “his girls” out for ice cream and all 3 of us were wearing sun dresses that no longer fit! Mine a bit too taught around the middle due to the large belly and Tessa and Anna’s dresses from last year have become far too short! It was too hot for this mama to care, so out for ice cream we went.

We knew severe storms were called for, so we needed to get out and pick up some batteries for the flashlight. We made it home just in time for the tornado sirens to go off. We don’t have a basement, so we collected our newly working flashlight, the computer, some candles and the girls’ blankies and had a family party in the bathroom!

I was surprised to learn that Tessa was really afraid of all the thunder and lightening. The lightening really seemed to get her. Before we made our way into the bathroom I assured her there was no need to be scared, but that if she hears that siren she always needs to find mommy, daddy or a grown up to go with – just like when the smoke detector goes off. She could not be settled (and neither could her curly hair I may add, her mop top could seriously be used by the national weather service!).

Once in the bathroom so continued to tell everyone to relax. It became very apparent to mommy and daddy that she kept repeating this because she was really having a hard time. I reminded her that sometimes when we are scared we can always ask Jesus, Mary or God to please help us not to be scared anymore. She listened, was quite for a few minutes and then the questions I thought I wouldn’t get as a parent for another 10 years started pouring out of my 3 year old.

TESSA: “Mama, why ask Jesus and Mary and God to make me not scared of the lightening when they could just make the storm stop?”

MAMA: “Well, God is so big that we can’t always understand Him, but even when we don’t understand we know one thing for sure; He loves us more than anything, so we can ALWAYS ask Him to help us,”

TESSA: “Yeah, but if he loves me he’ll take the storm away so I don’t have to be scared anymore?”

MAMA: “Well, no,” I said. God doesn’t always do what we ask of Him, He loves us so much and knows better than we do what is the best thing for us. He is even smarter than mommy and daddy.”

TESSA: “But why does he want me to be scared? That’s not very nice of Him, that’s not loving.”

While Tessa sat on a bathroom stool asking all the questions of faith and life, Joseph and I made eyes of desperation and shock at each other through the bathroom mirror. I was literally saved by the bell when the siren stopped and I excused myself to go into the living room and check the TV to see if the storm had passed.

The all clear was given and our family theology session in the bathroom ended. Later, during night time prayer Tessa thanked Jesus for keeping us safe during the storm. As I was mentally patting myself on the back for my awesome parenting she interrupted my prideful moment:

TESSA: “See mama, God will take the storm away when I ask him to. So I don’t have to be scared. Because He DOES love me.”

MAMA: “Umm, well, that’s not really…ummmm..not every time…. He didn’t…ummmm. Goodnight! I love you!”

Apparently I was chocking on all my pride!

So God won’t ALWAYS clear Tessa’s path of storms. I know I’ll have to teach her about redemptive suffering someday.

But really, cut me a break, I’ve got a 3 year old theologian on my hands here and I was sitting crossed legged on a cold title bathroom floor, nine months pregnant in a tornado warning. I can only do so much.

Clearly I need to start asking for God to guide me in my parenting of my very intuitive and inquisitive daughter!

I never do this because I always feel gross around this time. But now I wish I had done it with Tessa and Anna - so here I am!

Three Years

Excuse the absence. We have been traveling the better part of this month. Joseph was away for a work conference so the gals and I headed off to my hometown for some time with family. Immediately following my dad had surgery and Joseph and I were away with him while the gals stayed with grandma.
I’ve many blog posts ready to post about our time away, but instead of advertising to the world that our home was sitting vacant - I decided to wait until we returned to share the adventures of being away from home with little ones for a prolonged period of time!

The day before our adventure began we celebrated Tessa’s 3rd birthday. What a blessing these three years have been. Many mothers who came before me have stated that once you become a mother, you forget what it was like to not be a mother. This is one of life’s greatest truths, and one I pray for every women to experience.

I distinctly remember the moment this little firecracker changed my life for the better. I often replay that moment in my mind like an old time movie too moving for sound. I had a feeling she would be a she, mostly because I was scared to death of raising a daughter. She has been God’s greatest teacher for me right from the beginning.

 Our first look at parenthood.

She was the baby that wasn’t supposed to be. There she sat, tucked away under my heart when a doctor who didn’t know anything about Joseph’s health told us she or any others may not be a possibility. Imagine how a little pink line surprised us a week later. Some weeks later an ultrasound showed there was no baby and another doctor told us the pregnancy was not viable. Masses were said, prayers were heard and a week following an ultrasound showed a nine week old baby thriving. I was surprised. Now that I know the little girl God has gifted us with I know I shouldn’t have been surprised at all. The week following my husband and I speed off the highway and down the overpass. Our van totaled and my face on the unlucky end of an airbag – but our little Tessa, asleep in her mama. The world and what is “supposed to be” has never held power over her. It never will. She’s too happy, too spirited, and too sassy to follow any type of conventional thought – or wisdom for that matter.

 On her first birthday - a few weeks before she became a big sister.

The Lord has great plans for this little girl. She’s an “old soul.” Already more intuitive and observant than her parents, she became a big sister at 12 months and was ready to run our home by age 2. She is striking in looks and in personality. Recently in love with any sort of princess she recently had her first viewing of Snow White in which her response was simple and true: “She is a princess. She is pretty because she looks like Tessa.” Tessa is filled with joy and the tenacity to challenge anyone who tries to define it for her or steal it from her. Her heart yearns for knowledge and to nurture. She prides herself on being “a lady” and announcing her beauty without arrogance and with joy – never forgetting to notice and acknowledge the beauty in others.

 On her second birthday

This year, God willing, she will become a big sister once again. She already talks of changing diapers and giving bottles. “I want to talk about babies” she often says to me, curls bouncing. God knew what he was doing when he paired her with her younger sister. They are opposites but have the greatest love for one another. When they reach out for each other to hold the other’s hand I see in her the greatest gift. She loves because that is what she was born to do. It is my life’s work to protect that in her. To never let her give that up, never let it be taken from her. It’s the tallest of orders. The call of every mother and it’s worth every minute of it.

Look who's 3!!

Thou Shall Not......

Recently, on a long family drive, Joseph and I pulled off the highway to grab a sandwich. Not wanting to wake the gals who were happily in the middle of a much needed nap, Joseph parked in a Subway parking lot and sent me in for our sandwiches.

I stood in line waiting for my sandwich among the construction and farm workers of the small town. As I looked out the window of the sandwich shop to the town's only stop light, I noticed a women dressed all in black getting out of her black, fancy car.

"She's clearly a traveler as well," I thought to myself.

She stepped up to order her sandwich and pushed her sunglasses from her eyes to the top of her head, tucking her hair behind her ears. The silver on the side of her glasses caught the sunlight. As I was admiring her glasses, I realized the silver on the side was a label: Dolce and Gabbana.

"That figures," I thought to myself. I always see something I love and then find out it's a designer, top of the line, top dollar item. When I first started driving I kept seeing certain cars on the road I would fall in love with. Upon doing some research, I learned the 2 cars I was coveting were BMWs and Saabs.

And there is the magic word: covet.

"Thou shall not covet thy neighbor's goods," reads the 10th Commandment.

Coveting was exactly what I was doing. Fancy and lovely as this women was in her Dolce and Gabbana shades, and as much as I would love to be wearing a pair myself, I recalled how blessed I was. Waiting in the car for me were two sleeping angels and their daddy, a better husband then I ever dreamt of. I thought of how blessed we were to now be able to pull off the road and purchase sandwiches and sodas, something that was not possible in the beginning of our marriage.

Today I found myself in another restaurant at the lunch hour. As I sat waiting for my friend I decided to dig into my purse for a pen and some paper. I pushed my $10 sunglasses to the top of my head, unbuttoned my giant "mom purse" and began searching for a pen. I pulled out diapers, a half eaten granola bar and receipts from a recent family vacation. Just as I was thinking, "I've got to clean this purse out," I pulled out a pair of sunglasses.

Seeing as I only own one pair of sunglasses, my curiosity was peaked. I've always thought of my mom purse as a Mary Poppins bag of sorts, but this was the first time the thing had created an item.

I turned the glasses over in my hands, hoping to trigger the memory of where they came from. As I touched their smooth surface I noticed a silver label: Dolce and Gabbana!

My jaw dropped! I looked around the restaurant half expecting an answer to be written on the walls or for someone to jump out and tell me I was an unknowing participant in some Christian version of a PUNKED or CANDID CAMERA type show.

I hadn't told anyone about my encounter with the fancy lady in the sandwich shop. I don't even think I've ever mentioned to anyone how I love this brand of sunglasses. I recalled a fancy store we had stopped into on vacation and almost started hyperventilating at the thought that I may have somehow, unwillingly, stolen these glasses. Did the girls pick these up and put them in my purse?

Grasping for some explanation, I called my mother. We had visited her last week, maybe she had some knowledge of these glasses.

Sure enough, my mother is missing a pair of sunglasses. My eldest daughter (2 1/2), who loves sunglasses, must have stolen them from grandma's bathroom and put them in my purse.

My mom thought this was hilarious. I on the other hand, was not so pleased. Although I am happy to have an answer, how do you reprimand a 2 1/2 year old for something she did 4 days ago? Did she pick up the glasses thinking they were mommy's? Did she knowingly steal them from her grandmother?

Since we just can't know for sure, we'll take this opportunity to teach her, and remind ourselves, of the 7th Commandment: Thou shall not steal.

We'll also spend some time on how breaking the 10th Commandment: Thou shall not covet thy neighbor's goods can lead to the temptation of stealing!

Thanks for Calling!

Thanks for Calling

My daughter is 21 months old now and is developing a particular attachment to all the “tools” I use in my day-to-day life. It’s interesting to see how her little eyes perceive what things define a person. My keys, shoes, purse and sunglasses spend more time donning her little mop-top self than my own.

I’m somewhat ashamed to confess this next little slice of our life. She thinks my phone is actually called a “Holly” and not a “Phone.” I gather this comes from the fact that I work from home and during business hours am answering the phone, “Hello, this is Holly.” Either way, she picks it up and carries it around, calling it her “Holly.” When the phone rings, her eyes light up, her mouth falls open and she starts running in circles with excitement screaming, “Holly, Holly, Holly!!!” I’ve tried replacing my phone with her Elmo phone, but after one or two conversations with Elmo, she’s back to wanting the real deal.

In some ways, it’s flattering to see her put on my sunglasses, my shoes and pick up the keys while she’s tossing the diaper bag across her body and saying, “Ok, bye bye, see you.” She always does so with a smile and then puckers up for a goodbye kiss. I’m not sure if I should be proud of the fact I must always leave the house with a kiss and hug, or if I should feel shame over appearing so very happy while I am LEAVING my home!


Like so many things do, witnessing this everyday bring me to a spiritual reflection. Is this how I appear in the eyes of God? Trying so very hard to impress him with my faith and knowledge as I stumble around, trying my very best to imitate the example He gave me as the perfect mother: Mary?

The thought that the amusement I get from the sight of my daughter doing these things could be similar to how God views my attempts at faith, piety and prayer makes me blush. It also humbles me, and warms my heart. Child-like joy in beautiful. I guess it isn’t so bad to entertain the possibility I could still possess it.

However I look in the eyes of God, I will continue to “put on” Christ, because that is what I believe He calls me to do. The way in which I so seriously do it may be a bit off the mark, but just like my daughter, I will do it with the best of intentions – and a smile.

I must always answer the call. Oftentimes, it’s Elmo, but sometimes, it’s God.

Thumps & Bumps in the Middle of the Night

Thumps & Bumps in the Middle of the Night.

Anna, our four-month-old, seems adamantly apposed to sleeping, or being quite, at night—ok, EVER! Like her mama, she’s a night owl. The crying has been more than my husband and I can handle at times. It’s by God’s grace we haven’t hit these moments of frustration and despair at the same time. I guess this is the purpose of a marriage, to lead each other in holiness—even if that means once and a while one spouse must pull the other along, kicking and screaming.

Tessa, on the other had, has been a sleeper from day one. I fondly recall the day after she was born. At one point during that day, I had eleven visitors in my hospital room. They stayed for five hours. She was passed from person to person. As we all tried our hand at waking her to eat, one person after another told us there was no way “this will last.” Well, it did last, she was sleeping through the night at six weeks and we’ve never looked back—until this week.

Sometimes, when one is well behaved, they get overlooked. Currently this is a problem in our home. Now, something tells me with the sass Miss Tessa has—this may be the one and only time she is on this end of a story-but here we are non the less! We moved our wonderful sleeper to a big girl bed last month. We had high hopes Anna would soon be moving to the crib. We made a family trip out of it and came home with a bed rail, purple sheets and a Dora bedspread. We kept Tessa up until midnight and put her in her new bed, too dog-tired to care where she was. From that night on, she has slept in her bed, naps and all- until last night.

It was 1am and I was still awake. It would make me a better mom if I was up with Anna, or I was praying or paying the bills. But, I was up, watching shows on the DVR and enjoying some much needed alone time, at the cost of some much needed sleep. I heard the thump, the scream, and then the crying. I don’t remember getting up and running into her bedroom. I will never forget finding her there, on the floor, half under the bed.

Now, I know children fall and bumps and bruises are to be expected. I assure you I’m not one of those mothers who is a nervous Nelly and who flips out every time a little one takes a tumble. No, that’s not the type of mommy I am. I don’t even have that option, as we are a clumsy bunch over here. That being said, I will never forget the look on my daughter’s face that night. She was so scared and confused. When she heard me running into her room, she looked up at me with her gigantic eyes and I swear those eyes were blaming me for their tears. It was, by far, one of my worst moments as a mother.

I always seem to learn my lessons in the middle of the night. This mostly because I can’t sleep until I have analyzed and reflected on every waking moment of my life. But, this night I learned a late night lesson from my darling daughter. She’s too little for a big girl bed. Just because she’s a big sister, doesn’t mean she’s a big girl. I was so sad when I took her out of her crib and put her into her big girl bed. I was so sad about ME not being ready- I didn’t realized SHE wasn’t ready. I put her back into her crib( after Joseph was assured she did not have a brain bleedJ He worries) as I set her down I thanked God for her guardian angel-and for the gift of a just a few more fleeting moments with my “little girl,” who will stay in the crib a while longer. She's a bit too little for growing pains, and that makes me smile!