Two Years of Anna Clare

A few weeks ago my second daughter turned 2. I’ve been thinking a lot about a letter I wrote her the first week of her life. I wrote about how much I loved her, and how I was so excited to see what being her mom was going to mean for my life. I also observed that I didn’t feel as though I knew anything about her, except that I loved her. To be honest, two years later I still feel that same way many days!

Her daddy was convinced she would be a he. After much waiting and worry, she came fast and before we knew it, we had two daughters. Her arrival sent us into such a whirlwind we had a difficult time choosing her name. She just didn’t “look” like any of the names we had picked out.

She has been difficult to read from the time she started moving within me and she has been difficult to get to know. She didn’t arrive with the goal of making herself know as her sister did. She has her own world, and has a tough time inviting others in – or caring much at all about joining the rest of the world. For this I loved her instantly, and this has been the challenge of being her mother.

She’s smart. Not in the way that she will recite facts we have made her memorize as is generally easy to do with a two year old. She has no interest in sharing her knowledge to please us; or anyone else for that matter. She seeks knowledge. It’s the very air she breathes. She wants to know how things work and will destruct anything to make that happen. Things are for a purpose – and it is ingrained in her to figure out what that is and how it works. She doesn’t care much for the aesthetic appeal of things. She wants to take it apart and put it back together, its color means nothing to her.

At age 2 she is already skilled at any and all things wires and cords

Anna is as sweet and loving as a little girl can be. She needs no affirmation and takes no direction. An empty corner and a project to figure out does more for her little mind than an audience. We had no idea she knew all of her numbers and letters until I overheard her whispering under her breathe while I taught her sister. I never taught her, she taught herself, and that is how she likes it.

There is never any middle ground with her. She is all or nothing. She lives constantly on one end of the emotional spectrum and refuses being taught to move away from that way of life. This is my biggest concern for her, and one of my proudest moments as a mother. I don’t worry about the trouble she will get into as a follower. Her own impulses are way too strong to follow anyone else’s.

Who says a little girl must laugh and smile at her birthday party? Why do that when you can read a book alone!!

This makes her a difficult child to parent. She cannot be forced to eat or sleep. Still, at age 2, she is up 3 times a night. Sleep training continues to fail her. She has not yet learned to comfort herself, nor does she seek comfort from her parents. She needs to cry and scream for hours and must get out what she needs to get out. She’s uncontrollable in a brilliant way. We have no idea what to expect from her in life, and although it is a very tiresome way to live and we have grown weary since her birth, it has also been one of the greatest joys of my life. Her daddy and I joke about how every grey hair and worry line can be directly linked to her birth, but that she will be the child to make a discovery or cure a disease and fund our retirement.

She is loving and goofy, the most serious and the silliest. She has an amazing ability of communicating with large animals that is foreign to every other member of her family; yet communicating with people seems to be a struggle for her. Fearless and powerful, if there is one thing I know about her, it is that she will always amaze me.

She makes me a better person. She teaches me daily that God has a plan and that sometimes it’s hard, but still perfect. She gives wonderful hugs and her smile has the power to bring joy to me like no other.
I can’t wait for her to be a big sister this year. I just know she’ll be awesome at it – and she’ll do it in a completely original and surprising way!

Happy 2nd Birthday Anna Clare!

Steppin' Out With My Lady

Steppin’ Out With My Lady

I’ve got a bad case of the Mondays, friends. You know the days when the world feels hopeless and you can’t imagine anyone in the world could have a longer “to do” list then yourself? Yup, that is the scary place I am in today.

No need to worry, I have a fairly healthy emotional intelligence and although I am a moody melancholic – at least I know it and know how to deal with myself! Today, the world is swallowing me up. But tomorrow, well tomorrow will be grand. I’m convinced.

On days like these, I need to throw up the white flag and surrender the day to the thoughts of stress, “what ifs” and “you’re not good enoughs”. Good thing I have a lovely distraction!

Miss Anna Clare had a huge weekend of milestones. She learned to clap and say “YEAH” over, and over, and over again. She saw her sister climb a staircase and decided to follow, figuring out how to climb as she went. And, the most impressive event of the weekend: first steps were taken on an early Saturday morning. My poor husband. He usually gets up with the children in the early morning. On this day he had been sent back to bed by yours truly. I thought I would give him a day off. In doing so, I got to witness her goofy grin as she took her first steps toward me. I’m sad Joseph missed it. He missed Tessa’s first steps as well. So, while he slept, I sat with my grandma and watched Anna Clare take her first steps.

So, the world can have its problems and my “to do” list can grow by a mile for all I care. I’m putting it aside, and getting down on the floor to help Anna practice her new found talent!

And now I must thank you and take my leave. Anna just pulled the garbage can on top of herself and it sounds like a mess is screaming my name. Is it bed time yet?

Sleeping Beauty and Other tidbits

We’re settled! Ok, that was a lie. We are not settled. It has been almost 2 weeks since we moved and we are not settled. In our defense, we had no clue how difficult it was going to be with kids. I feel like the only time I can unpack boxes is when both girls are sleeping. And, if you know anything about our family, these gals don’t sleep at the same time.

Never the less, we are coming along slowly but surly. It feels good. Joseph had his first class this evening and came home looking smarter already. Or at least that is what the smile on his face told me.

I am feeling really good about this change in our lives. I am not, however, feeling good about paying 2 rents. So, please, pray for us to find a lease take over in Milwaukee. It would lift so much worry and uncertainty from our shoulders.

I’m working on many big projects in life. One of these will be a picture recap of our summer for my blog. One of my main motives for beginning this blog was to document our day to day life as a family. The summer handed us some crazy and challenging times, so the day to day aspect of life went out the window – with the blog. I am hoping to recap and get back to more regular postings. I will also be adding posts about my “writing life” to blog. I’m doing so in an effort to share a big part of myself I’ve never shared before. I know, I’m growing as a person!

While these things are in the works, I thought I would share a little piece of lovely from my day. While Joseph was at school the girls were getting a bit crazy. Tessa was sent to her room for a little alone time to reflect after a bout of sassy sassy talk. I was organizing my desk while Anna Clare sat on the floor playing with a sippy cup. I found myself caught up in my project. Panic washed over me as I realized there was silence in my home. Any mother with little ones can tell you silence is a bad, bad sign when you’ve got kids. I looked into the living room to find this:

Now, to the average person – this is a cute picture of a little gal falling asleep. How cute—and so on and so on. However, Anna Clare is the anti-sleeper. She has never - in all her 9 months of life - fallen asleep without an hour of screaming and rocking. Falling asleep in the middle of sitting up and drinking is a big accomplishment for her – and me! I love her so very much, but feel as if she has been overlooked when it comes to who she is as a person – because she has screamed day and night since the day she was born. Thus, that is the aspect of her at the forefront of our minds and conversations with family and friends. Could this be the dawn of a new day for her…for us…..for my sleep?!!

Here is hoping the changes around here as a beautiful as the summer to fall transition happening outdoors.

Do you feel like your life changes with the seasons? What changes does this fall bring for you?

The Mobile

There is this mobile. It dances down from its ceiling perch; casting the moon, setting the sun, shooting a star. It isn’t that special of a mobile. Its paint has dulled, its body the result of a cookie cutter cut-out. Individual, it is not. The same mobile hangs in every room here, its present constant, what happens beneath it - is not. Its valiant effort of cheer is a feeble, but an esteemed, attempt.

Beneath many versions of this same mobile - I have cried and rejoiced. On this day, it floats above us, so peacefully in unison with the lullaby singing my baby to sleep. As she drifts in one arm, my hand rests safely in the grasp of my husband’s. We quietly rock, and our breaths fall into sink with one another. I’m thankful for the chain of comfort we’ve created here, between the three of us. Like the mobile, we are separates parts; thriving on the thread that links us, moving together as one.

For the mothers whose eyes have looked upon this mobile through tears, and for the babies who’ve cried as it cast its shadows over the walls… tonight, I offer my prayerful heart.

Spring Wind

Spring wind; is there really anything like it? It may be the hint of hope for growth in its smell, or maybe just its noticeably long winter absence, but I feel like it makes the curtains “dance” a bit more than the winds of any other season. I’m currently “watching” the wind wined away the night hours as I keep one eye on the clock, who is ticking away the minutes of my lost sleep.

Tonight’s is not a stormy wind, my favorite, but it’s a wind of the changing season. I’m ready for this wind and welcome it, along with everything it brings, and everything it leaves behind.

I’m thankful to share this wind with Anna tonight, as she breathes along with it. They compose together an un-sing-able song.