Three Years

Excuse the absence. We have been traveling the better part of this month. Joseph was away for a work conference so the gals and I headed off to my hometown for some time with family. Immediately following my dad had surgery and Joseph and I were away with him while the gals stayed with grandma.
I’ve many blog posts ready to post about our time away, but instead of advertising to the world that our home was sitting vacant - I decided to wait until we returned to share the adventures of being away from home with little ones for a prolonged period of time!

The day before our adventure began we celebrated Tessa’s 3rd birthday. What a blessing these three years have been. Many mothers who came before me have stated that once you become a mother, you forget what it was like to not be a mother. This is one of life’s greatest truths, and one I pray for every women to experience.

I distinctly remember the moment this little firecracker changed my life for the better. I often replay that moment in my mind like an old time movie too moving for sound. I had a feeling she would be a she, mostly because I was scared to death of raising a daughter. She has been God’s greatest teacher for me right from the beginning.

 Our first look at parenthood.

She was the baby that wasn’t supposed to be. There she sat, tucked away under my heart when a doctor who didn’t know anything about Joseph’s health told us she or any others may not be a possibility. Imagine how a little pink line surprised us a week later. Some weeks later an ultrasound showed there was no baby and another doctor told us the pregnancy was not viable. Masses were said, prayers were heard and a week following an ultrasound showed a nine week old baby thriving. I was surprised. Now that I know the little girl God has gifted us with I know I shouldn’t have been surprised at all. The week following my husband and I speed off the highway and down the overpass. Our van totaled and my face on the unlucky end of an airbag – but our little Tessa, asleep in her mama. The world and what is “supposed to be” has never held power over her. It never will. She’s too happy, too spirited, and too sassy to follow any type of conventional thought – or wisdom for that matter.

 On her first birthday - a few weeks before she became a big sister.

The Lord has great plans for this little girl. She’s an “old soul.” Already more intuitive and observant than her parents, she became a big sister at 12 months and was ready to run our home by age 2. She is striking in looks and in personality. Recently in love with any sort of princess she recently had her first viewing of Snow White in which her response was simple and true: “She is a princess. She is pretty because she looks like Tessa.” Tessa is filled with joy and the tenacity to challenge anyone who tries to define it for her or steal it from her. Her heart yearns for knowledge and to nurture. She prides herself on being “a lady” and announcing her beauty without arrogance and with joy – never forgetting to notice and acknowledge the beauty in others.

 On her second birthday

This year, God willing, she will become a big sister once again. She already talks of changing diapers and giving bottles. “I want to talk about babies” she often says to me, curls bouncing. God knew what he was doing when he paired her with her younger sister. They are opposites but have the greatest love for one another. When they reach out for each other to hold the other’s hand I see in her the greatest gift. She loves because that is what she was born to do. It is my life’s work to protect that in her. To never let her give that up, never let it be taken from her. It’s the tallest of orders. The call of every mother and it’s worth every minute of it.

Look who's 3!!

Spring Baby

We’re having a spring baby! Both of our daughters were born in November and last Christmas we experienced a miscarriage – so we’re really excited to welcome a spring baby into our family. We recognize and enjoy the connection to the season of new, blooming life.


I haven’t yet written much about the loss of our baby last Christmas. It is something I hope to do in the future as the story is just beyond beautiful.

I love the Christmas season dearly and count down the months every year. Last year was a difficult year with Joseph’s surgery and to celebrate making it through a hard year; we booked a trip to Las Vegas for my birthday, which is Christmas week. While on vacation I had a miscarriage. We were devastated, and my birthday and Christmas were a blur. I just wanted to get through.

Before I go into all the pregnancy talk, I want to address a beautiful community of women I have gotten to know through the wonderful blogging world. After the holiday season last year, I came across a group of Christian bloggers who struggle with the cross of infertility and/or loss. They are inspiring. They support and pray for each other. Some of these women are still not holding babies after many years of marriage and many losses. I truly believe God gives the cross of infertility to the strongest women among us, because I have never met such inspiring women. Although I do not share their cross, I have so enjoyed getting to know them and have been offering up all my pregnancy discomforts for them. If reading about another new pregnancy is hurtful to any of you, please feel free to stop reading now, and know I continue to pray for when you too will hold a baby in your arms.

I found this pregnancy question sheet on a few blogs and thought it was cute!

How did you find out about the baby to be?
It was awesome! I found out on our anniversary and surprised Joseph by writing the news in his card! We are due Mother’s Day Weekend which is also the anniversary of the day we got engaged!

How far along are you?
Today was my 12 week appointment! I did have an ultrasound at 8 weeks to confirm and see a heartbeat. At that point we told our families (and I may have slipped to a few friends). We have never waited until the second trimester to tell before and man, it has been sooo hard!

How are you feeling?
Umm. Not the best. But, I think I am turning the corner and I’m thankful for the symptoms as they reassure me that baby is still in there.

How much weight have you gained?
I’ve lost 15 lbs. I know, yikes. I got in a bit of trouble at the doctor today. BUT, I sleep so darn much and just can’t bring myself to eat. Even water makes me sick. I have to say, I am not too worried. I have plenty of weight. Not that I want to be feeling this icky, but I think it is a blessing, I really can’t gain too much and losing so much in the beginning sure does help!

Food Cravings?
No craving, but I have an aversion to some of my favorite foods and it makes me sad. I could LIVE off popcorn normally, but now the thought of it – ick!

Gender?
Ummm, I’m 50/50. With both my girls I really thought it was a girl. This time I am 50/50. I don’t really care at all. But, this time we are going to find out! We have never done that and I am so excited! We are due the week Joseph is set to graduate which means he has a master’s thesis to write while this baby grows. So, this time we want to know. I’m so excited to know that I’ve even looked at that gender prediction kit at Walgreens. I confessed to Joseph and he was semi on board until I told him it is about $30. Then he said no. Can’t make any promises if I am out shopping by myself though! Not sure if we will share the sex of the baby or not.

Concerns?
Oh yes! Being pregnant after a loss is really stressful and I am trying not to allow that worry to take me over. I asked for my progesterone to be tested right away and it was low. I had to beg my doctor to put me on the progesterone pill (she does not believe in progesterone therapy and I can’t find a doctor around here who does). She also does not believe in monitoring the progesterone so she put me on it for the first trimester and won’t order a blood draw. It stresses me out, but I have done all I can do. Please don’t leave me any scary comments.
Going from 2 to 3 children also really scares me. But, in a good way.

Joseph and I always take a picture together upon learning of another new soul in our family. Please excuse his half dressed attire. He didn't know what he was coming home to :)

Names?
We have had a boy’s name picked out since before we were married – so we are still sitting on that. Girl names are hard when you are on number 3! I don’t know if we will tell until the birth, but so far these are the names we like:
Monica (her feast day is our wedding day and the day we found out about this baby)
Rebeca (if we call her Becca it would fit with our other 2 girls, Tessa and Anna)
Lydia
Elizabeth (my middle name and my mom’s name - with one of the following nicknames: Ellie, Ella, Lizzy)

We’re so excited. I’m still really worried about baby, who Tessa is adamant we name String. So, any prayers or positive thoughts you could send our way would be much appreciated. I haven’t let myself get excited yet, but now that our news is out I am starting to feel like we are having a baby! It is a wonderful feeling, but I’ve been trying to protect myself and prepare for the worst. I just can’t keep doing that. So, prayers, please!

On Motherhood

Recently my attention has been drawn (in some pleasant and not so pleasant ways) to the differences between myself and the women I call my “peers.”

I’ve been drawn to reflect on my lifestyle due in most part to the extreme reactions I’ve received from friends recently. A few have e-mailed with questions of how I do so much in addition to being a mama. Some seeking advice and some sending notes of thanksgiving – filled with hope that they too may soon be busy mamas. I’ve also disappointed a few friends who seem dissatisfied with how much of myself (and my time) I can commit to them.

One of my favorite Catholic blogger mamas, Elizabeth Foss has a beautiful post about the type of women/wife/mother she is appearing on her blog this evening. Although we are indeed quite different (she’s a seasoned mama with 9 children), I see myself in the sentiment she’s expressing.

Our family calendar speaks volumes to who I am as a women and a mama. I refuse to overbook or fill up our days. More than 3 obligations in one week (even social ones) might as well be a prison sentence to me. I’m an introvert, and so is my husband. We parent as introverts. We’re not signed up for Gymboree, playdates and storytimes at the library. Of course social and educational activities are important and we do make room for them, but I am very selective. When we do something social, it usually takes us an entire day to recuperate – so I build that time into our lives.

We are very close with a family of extraverts and this summer we spent the 4th of July with them. The kids played outside, we took them to the park, grilled out, did some sparklers in the driveway and then drove to see the town’s fireworks later that evening. It was a full day of fun followed by a sleepover. The next day I felt like I’d been hit by a bus. My energy was gone and my kids wanted nothing more than to watch a DVD. My friend came out of her room with her 3 children dressed in another patriotic outfit and they started packing up to go to the parade. A parade! It was 9:00am! Thankfully my friend knows how I operate and I didn’t need to think of an excuse not to go. They headed out and my family stayed in their home, napping and relaxing. Sometimes I wish we could go go go and I know we miss out on some wonderful things, but it doesn’t make us happy. My friend needs those types of things (and so do her children) to keep their family running smoothly and to keep everyone happy. For us, we aren’t loving to one another when we are living that way, so for us I know I am doing what is best.

We recharge alone and at home. For myself, and for my family, I protect this recharging time like a mama bear. I don’t feel an obligation to return phone calls and e-mails in a timely manner nor do I commit myself to weekly conversations with friends. This is not, in any way, a reflection of how I feel about those friends; I just simply love my family more. I know if I did answer every e-mail and return every phone message that our family would suffer, and I am not willing to do that. I know myself very well, faults and all.

I also approach motherhood a bit differently. Although I do love to cuddle with my girls, I can’t stand having someone “on” me all day long. Attachment parenting is beautiful, but God did not make me that type of mother. I don’t long for a tiny baby that needs their every need attended too and if there is a child in my bed, I’m not sleeping. That period of motherhood is a large sacrifice for me. I’m loving in other ways. My gifts are intuition and council. These gifts are better used with older children. For example, every single thing I do in the kitchen is narrated and then shown to Tessa. She is then given the opportunity to do it herself. So, every dinner and every batch of cookies takes twice as long as it does in another home. She doesn’t just get to “stir” to playcat her. She cracks the egg herself and dumps it in the bowl. If there are shells, she is then taught how to dig them out. This is how we operate every day in the kitchen. Everything takes twice as long and creates twice the mess, but at 2 and a half she could recite to me, step by step, how to make many of our standard meals and – chocolate chip cookies. This time is precious to me and I give up other things in order to have it.

She also comes to me with things she would like to talk about. She knows she is not going to get a water downed answer. We have very real conversations and I commit a lot of time to these real conversations. We are strong and consistent in our discipline and following a consequence, there is a loving conversation because I want to understand why a wrong choice was made and help them to understand why their choice was wrong. So, a simple fight between 2 little girls can turn into an hour long event in our home, but in the end everyone not only understands each other, but everyone feels loved. I do not answer my phone during these times.

I am also a work at home mama. I actually really love my job. I don’t care for the amount of work I have. But, I have to say, even if we were extremely independently wealthy I still think I would continue this job (with slashed hours, of course). Not only do I put in hours with my job, I am also a freelance writer. This past year has been a good one for me writing wise and we now count on a few hundred dollars of our monthly income from my freelancing. This is a personal choice that was very hard for me to make. It does cut into my family time and it certainly has affected how much time I have for friends and social activities. However, after much personal prayer by me and my husband, we feel I am called to pursue this dream. It is not one I talk about often, but one I must begin acknowledging as it is affecting my life and the amount of time I can give outside of my family.

To those who wonder how I do all that I do, there are sacrifices. Chances are I am not nearly as social as you are and my house is probably not as clean as yours! We are creative spirits over here and sometimes projects and ideas pick us up and carry us away leaving our laundry pile high and our fridge empty. But, that is who we are, and I will not apologize for it because I love it. One week we’ll learn to sew, the next we’ll be painting. Some nights I’ll stay up all night long because inspiration has struck and if that means the girls stay in diapers the whole next day because mama is resting on the couch – then so be it!

The best we can do for our children, in my opinion, is to embrace who God made us to be and show them it’s ok to do the same. I laugh because in my life I have always been very close with people who would call themselves “type A.” I think there is something about the structured and OCD type personality that must be amused or intrigued by a person like myself. I have had wonderful relationships with many “type As” in my life. However, they seem to really love me for a time and then in the end, I wind up driving them crazy!

Truth is, the world needs us all! God has designed and made each one of us beautifully to reflect Him in different ways. We have so much we can learn from one another. God knows that. I have proof. I’m almost sure my first born is a “Type A” herself. She reminds us to put things away in the fridge and turn off lights when we leave a room.


When she was asked to help pick up today she responded, “Ok, mama! Who’s coming over?” No one, for the record!


She keeps us in check and we remind her that mistakes are ok and sometimes it’s fun to get messy.


What kind of women/mother are you? Are your days structured or is yesterday’s oatmeal still on your kitchen table?

One of THOSE days!

It’s been one of those days over here! You know the kind, nothing HUGE goes wrong, but every little thing adds up to the point where for a brief moment you think frustration just may take your life?!


I’m currently in the middle of too many projects and therefore not getting a darn thing done! Productivity needs to be a perfect storm for me. Having too much on my plate sends me into a panic mode that makes me lazy, tired and well, unproductive. Yet, not having anything to do does the same to me. I need the perfect amount of things on my plate to force me to be productive yet not overwhelm me. Don’t worry, I am aware of how high maintenance I am – as is my husband.


Funny thing though – life does not cater to me! Crazy I know! It seems every mama I know is chasing “balance” like it is something we’ll find in the back of our unorganized closet or at the bottom of the laundry pile.


I do know I have been craving more time to be a mom. Of course, I’m a mom every second of my life and forever more. But, my dreams outside of my family seem to be fading into the background – for now. I still have dreams, but lately I’ve been wishing I could just focus all of my attention on my family my home and my children. Projects, cooking and the education of my gals are at the top of that list.


I’ve been praying at lot lately about really appreciating the moment I am in and not wanting or planning for the future. My children have gone through a TON of changes this summer and as we transition into fall, I can’t help think about the fact that they are getting older and I will never have a 2 and 1 year old again. I want to hang onto this moment. My TO DO list seems to haunt me all day and all night and I don’t enjoy any moment of the day because I feel I can’t until the TO DO list is done. I think a bit more structure and some prayer about what actually needs to be on that TO DO list is in order!


Today was a hard day for me. I was so stressed out about the TO DO list that not one thing got done – other than stressing. Other things came up that needed attention and although things were accomplished, they weren’t the things I wanted accomplished for the day. I did take a moment in the car this evening to appreciate the fact that we got to the bank and took care of depositing a few checks I had been collecting. But, as I was enjoying the feeling of accomplishment, I got a bloody nose! The only thing in the WHOLE car I could find to help stop the bleeding while we were driving down the highway: a diaper! So, there I was, an overwhelmed mom holding a diaper to her bleeding face! But, all things have a silver lining: my hubby decided tonight we should go out to eat! God sure knew what I needed in a husband. Joseph loves to take things off my plate and place them on his own. Even though his plate is often fuller than mine!

What about you? Are you living in the moment? What do you do to move on after one of THOSE days? Ever used a diaper to stop a bloody nose?

A happy thought from my week: Tessa caught wind that some little ones were going to school this week. So she got herself "ready" to go herself. Anna loved it!

Book Review: The Thorn by Beverly Lewis

The Thorn is the first book in the Rose Trilogy by Beverly Lewis.

Beverly Lewis knows the Amish, and she knows how to write a trilogy! After reading Seasons of Grace and The Courtship of Nellie Fisher, I was impressed but slightly worried I would soon bore of of these three-book series with the same backdrop.

I was mistaken. Lewis contiunes to find new and interesting ways to lure the reader back into the Amish day-to-day of Lancaster County and continues to find new and interesting secrets and questions of faith for her charachers to struggle with.

Rose, her sister, and her bad-girl friend are three wonderful examples of Lewis' ability to create different characters and weave them into the same community, trilogy after trilogy. Similarity to her other works is enough for the reader to find comfort in what they are picking up to read , yet the characters' problems, secrets and faith journeys are fresh yet relatable. Most of all, they keep you turning the pages.

There is a maybe courtship, a Bishop's son, a marriage in question, a few decent twists and, as always with Lewis, a good clifhanger that will make you ask, "When is book 2 in the Rose Trilogy coming out?"

I find Beverly Lewis a breath of fresh air from the boring, predictable and lackluster options in women's fiction these days. Instead of spewing propaganda on how to fool a man into loving you, how to steal a man or how to have a baby without a man like sooo many books in women's fiction right now, Lewis writes of universal themes amidst a backdrop of a way of life so seemingly different from our own.

The Thorn continues to ask questions of life, love, family, and faith that all Lewis' books center on in a new and exciting way.

***Thanks to Bethany House for providing me an advance copy of this book for review!***

TRUST - God has a plan for your marriage

"Trust me," little girls whisper as they extend tiny pinkie fingers in exchange for big secrets under blankets at slumber parties.

"Trust me, it will only hurt for a little bit," pleads a mama trying to comfort a fearful child as she cleans a scrapped knee.

"Trust me, I love you and want to spend the rest of my life with you," a young man declares with shaking hands as he places a ring on the finger of his blushing bride-to-be.


With the divorce rate creeping closer to 50% it is imperative all who are married, or hope to one day be married, spend time contemplating what is needed to build and sustain a successful marriage.

Marriage is a road sign to heaven. Each spouse wants only what is good for their partner. They sacrifice and work to lift their partner up in ways that are affirming and good for the person they love. Sometimes one spouse is down and in need of some extra TLC from the other. When one is weak the other is strong - because they must be. They take the extra weight off of their partner and put it onto their own shoulders. They pick up the cross. They do so because they love, and because they trust that when the time comes, the weight will be lifted from their shoulders by the one who loves them in return.

Just as Christ emptied Himself fully, giving His life for the Church, married people are called to do the same for each other. In order to let ourselves be loved we must let our spouse fully know us and we must commit to fully knowing our spouse.

How often do you trust someone with your life who doesn't know you?

As annoyed as I get with the well meaning women in the church pew or the grocery line who make a living dispensing unsolicited advice, I tend to take their comments with a grain of salt. Now - if my best friend or husband calls me out on something it tends to sting a bit harder. Why? Because they know me and I trust they have my best interest at heart.

Who knows you better than the one who made you or the one who vowed to love you forever?

So what happens when we are not willing to give ourselves fully? What happens when we take the focus of our love off of how we can serve God by loving and serving the person we vowed our life to and we shift that focus inward, toward self-service?

Marriages fall apart. Society prides itself on free sex and instant gratification. We live on credit and are told we can define everything for ourselves. We drown in a pool of choices and we call it freedom.

This does not work. I can confidently say it does not work for anyone, but unfortunately, that is currently not very PC of me, but I'll say it anyway. It does not work. I can't wrap my mind around our modern culture's view of "feminism."

Stealing my spiritual gift by pumping my body full of chemicals or "allowing" me to make a "choice" I wasn't created to have to face is not "freeing."

A woman's spiritual gift is motherhood. No, we will not all physically give birth and feed a baby at our breast. But we were born as a women for a reason. God has a beautiful plan for us. Some will spend nights snuggling little ones, some will serve in a nurturing role in the world in another glorious way. These are our gift and one is not higher than another. To change the physical chemistry of a women's body with hormones to suppress this gift by convincing the body it is pregnant so that it won't become pregnant doesn't sound too empowering to me. To create barriers such as condoms and other artificial birth control devices and plant them in the middle of the marital act is not self-giving! It robs a women of her spiritual gifts. It robs a marriage of it's very essence - self-giving love. It is disrespectful to to ourselves and the person we claim to love fully. It is disrespectful to Christ who did not place a barrier between Himself and His love for us.

A self-giving relationship is difficult, humbling and fruitful. It's that last word where couples often stumble. Fruitful. No, this does not mean your last name must be Dugger or you aren't fully giving your life over to your spouse or to God. For some a self-giving marriage rooted in prayer has led to the discernment of a call to a large family. This is wonderful - but by no means does it define a better or holier marriage than the family who struggles with infertility or the couple who has prayerfully discerned one or two children.

Due to many circumstances my husband and I know we are not called to an extra large family. But we have been blessed because we have grown together as we've prayed and educated ourselves in the practice of NFP (Natural Family Planning). We don't pop pills or allow barriers into our marriage because we "know" what is best for us. We continually pray. We have practiced time periods of abstinence. We have grown stronger and learned more about each other through the practice of NFP and the times we were called to abstain.

"If you want to make God laugh, tell Him your plans" is a popular saying for a reason. Just because we will not have 10 children does not mean we will not be called as parents in other ways. We do not shut ourselves off to this. We continue to pray, discern and invite God into our marriage.

This week is National NFP Week. This year's theme is: TRUST God has a plan for your marriage. In our home it is very fitting to celebrate NFP this week for a few reasons. This week in our liturgy we celebrate Saints Joachim and Anne, parents of Mary mother of our Lord. I'm so glad they chose to give themselves fully in their marriage. In doing so, they were blessed in becoming the grandparents of Jesus! Our youngest daughter, Anna, was named in honor of their example of faith.

This week also marks the due date of our 3rd child, Emanuel Elizabeth who we lost to miscarriage over Christmas. I am confident in sharing that without the marital lessons we have learned through our practice of NFP (greater communication, vulnerability, and solidarity to name just a few) we wouldn't have been able to come out on the other side of a difficult and trying time. We were blessed with what we learned about our faith, our marriage and responsible parenthood during the short time I carried that child in my womb. We were able to turn the grief of that child into an opportunity to see the blessings in our loss. The blessing of a new soul in heaven due in part to us giving ourselves fully in our marriage and the blessing of grief has created a stronger marriage. I am a better wife and mother today because I am the mother of a child I will not hold in this lifetime.

TRUST - God has a plan for your marriage!

He really, truly does. I love my husband more than I could have ever dreamed. We are best friends. We have one of those relationships - the kind that makes people sick. That being said, I could not do this marriage thing without faith. I trust we are joined together by God and that He gifted us with each other to help navigate our way through life to heaven. I don't know how other people do it without God and with the addition of man made barriers preventing them from being completely self-giving.

The truth is - people aren't doing it. The divorce rate is astronomical and prenuptial agreements are a normalcy. People are entering into marriage with a fail safe and a heart open to the possibility of failure. With those things on the table marriage will not survive.

If you're never looked into NFP I encourage you to do so. Do a little research and I promise you will be AMAZED at how much you will learn about your body, your fertility and the wonderment of God! That alone is worth a look.

Trust in the LORD with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding. Proverbs 3:5

Basic info on NFP

Couple to Couple League

Humanae Vitae (On Human Life)

The Sixty Dollar Panda

I have a new best friend! After much thought, Joseph and I have decided to name the newest member of our family Sixty the Panda.

The story of how Sixty the Panda came into the Rutchik namesake is a good one. Before I tell it, I thought I would share a few of our most recent family photos.

This is Anna loving Sixty.

This is what Tessa looks like when we talk to her about how she needs to share Sixty with her sister.

Sixty loves story and prayer time before bed.

Sixty loved watching the fireworks as a family this past 4th of July.

Here is the story of how Sixty the Panda became a Rutchik:

Not so recently Joseph's family came to town to spend a Saturday with us. We shoved the mess into our bedroom, cleaned the common areas are prepared for a fun day with family. We took the girls out to eat. After we were done Joseph and his mom would bring the girls home and put them down for their afternoon nap while my SIL and I snuck out to catch an afternoon movie.

To be honest, I had been looking forward to seeing this movie with my SIL for weeks and as we snuck away from the girls and dodged out the door of the restaurant, I had one of those "I'm free!" moments every mama longs for when alone time has been sparse for a bit too long.

The movie was great and SIL bonding was had. But, like most mamas, once I felt that "free" feeling for a half hour - I really missed my kids. I opened the door to my home expecting big hugs from my gals. Instead I was greeted with a little story.

It seems Tessa threw a mega size fit on the way home from the restaurant (why we EVER tell ourselves it will be ok, just this once, to take her somewhere during nap time I will never know). Joseph was holding her hand when she decided to collapse and refuse to walk into our front door. She went down fast. Tessa was on the ground, but her little hand and little arm was still with Daddy. Joseph heard a pop. Tessa was in a lot of pain and so Joseph and his mom decided a trip to the ER was in order.

We literally live next door to the emergency room so off Daddy and Tessa went. Joseph reports that by the time her name was called all the attention of the folks in the waiting room had sucked the pain right out of her arm. She was giving high fives.

She is fine. It seems her little elbow popped out, was popped back in and all was well. Joseph was sent home with some papers with some medical lingo that translates into "take it easy" and a bill for our deductible: $60. Tessa was sent home with high fives and a stuffed Panda. Our Sixty dollar Panda!

Just like most homes with the pidder padder of tiny feet, we have tons of stuffed animals. Most of them collect dust on the shelves and take up my closet space. Sixty the Panda is different. Tessa clutches that Panda like it's her trophy. The second she puts him down he is scooped up by Anna who loves him so hard I worry his little head may just pop off. "Baby!!!" she screams.

Neither of our girls have ever taken to an item as their "comfort" item. There are no blankies or binkies in this house. Oh we tried! Oh did we try. We've tried every trick in the book to get Anna to attach to something in hopes she would learn to use it to comfort herself in the night when she wakes and scream 27 times between the hours of 8pm and 6am. She never had an interest in anything. The closest we came was items of Daddy's "used" clothing. I'm fairly confident there is a sweater he will not get back. I guess they are never too young to start going for your clothes!

But now we have the Sixty dollar Panda! It seems both our daughters have claimed it as their comfort item! This has led to interesting lessons on sharing and some crazy conversations between my husband and I. Who ever though we would be giving thanks for paying $60 for a stuffed animal!? If anyone wants some stuffed animals, I would consider offering to pay $60 for them to be removed from my home! But, this Panda is magic. We're talking Buzz Lightyear and Woody magic over here.

So, the question at hand - how long before we can take one of the girls back into the ER to get another one of these things? I mean, we are by no means wishing ANY ill will on our girls. Believe me, we've had enough of that over here. Most of Joseph's medical care (sniffles, cuts ..) is done in the ER because even when something little happens he needs immediate attention. I'd even be willing to fake a little something and go in, but I don't think they give Pandas to parents. We also don't want to take anyone in too soon, least we get a call from social services wondering why our kids are in the ER so much. I'd end up on some news program as one of those moms who makes their kids sick for attention. Really all I want is another Panda. We need it, we really do. I'll pay the $60!!