I’m currently in the middle of too many projects and therefore not getting a darn thing done! Productivity needs to be a perfect storm for me. Having too much on my plate sends me into a panic mode that makes me lazy, tired and well, unproductive. Yet, not having anything to do does the same to me. I need the perfect amount of things on my plate to force me to be productive yet not overwhelm me. Don’t worry, I am aware of how high maintenance I am – as is my husband.
Funny thing though – life does not cater to me! Crazy I know! It seems every mama I know is chasing “balance” like it is something we’ll find in the back of our unorganized closet or at the bottom of the laundry pile.
I do know I have been craving more time to be a mom. Of course, I’m a mom every second of my life and forever more. But, my dreams outside of my family seem to be fading into the background – for now. I still have dreams, but lately I’ve been wishing I could just focus all of my attention on my family my home and my children. Projects, cooking and the education of my gals are at the top of that list.
I’ve been praying at lot lately about really appreciating the moment I am in and not wanting or planning for the future. My children have gone through a TON of changes this summer and as we transition into fall, I can’t help think about the fact that they are getting older and I will never have a 2 and 1 year old again. I want to hang onto this moment. My TO DO list seems to haunt me all day and all night and I don’t enjoy any moment of the day because I feel I can’t until the TO DO list is done. I think a bit more structure and some prayer about what actually needs to be on that TO DO list is in order!
Today was a hard day for me. I was so stressed out about the TO DO list that not one thing got done – other than stressing. Other things came up that needed attention and although things were accomplished, they weren’t the things I wanted accomplished for the day. I did take a moment in the car this evening to appreciate the fact that we got to the bank and took care of depositing a few checks I had been collecting. But, as I was enjoying the feeling of accomplishment, I got a bloody nose! The only thing in the WHOLE car I could find to help stop the bleeding while we were driving down the highway: a diaper! So, there I was, an overwhelmed mom holding a diaper to her bleeding face! But, all things have a silver lining: my hubby decided tonight we should go out to eat! God sure knew what I needed in a husband. Joseph loves to take things off my plate and place them on his own. Even though his plate is often fuller than mine!
What about you? Are you living in the moment? What do you do to move on after one of THOSE days? Ever used a diaper to stop a bloody nose?
A happy thought from my week: Tessa caught wind that some little ones were going to school this week. So she got herself "ready" to go herself. Anna loved it!
9 comments:
First of all, your blog looks SO pretty! Secondly, I always forget about diapers as a handy absorbent material--I will remember now! That was a great idea! Thirdly, you handle "those" days so well...a hilarious and touching piece of writing--made more hilarious and touching because I love you all so much!
Holls-- T looks so much like you!! Your girls are precious. I hope one day I have a couple of girls that cute (and who like each other!)
Hey Holly! Sometimes it is so wierd for me to think of you as a mom! In my memory you are the younger ministry major I use to giggle and have fun with in college. I KNOW you are an AWESOME mom! I once heard someone say take a look at your "to do" list. Pick out the three most important items, write them on a seperate list, cross off two of them and complete the one left. You will feel so much better! Not sure if it works or not but it's worth a try. I'll be praying for you!
I find what you said interesting: "Productivity needs to be a perfect storm for me. Having too much on my plate sends me into a panic mode that makes me lazy, tired and well, unproductive. Yet, not having anything to do does the same to me."
I was thinking about something like this yesterday, actually. Adrenaline can give us a feeling like a high... and can actually be addicting. We can thrive on it. But if we live for that adrenaline high, our bodies can actually get run down and suddenly tired. I notice during THOSE days, I suddenly feel EXHAUSTED and like I could just sleep after a run-in with two whiny boys, and I can't shake it. Yet, I almost need to feel some level of stress in order to be productive, like you said. What a paradox!
Holly, we need to talk!! Doesn't simplification sound great! More time to just be a mom!!! Indeed!
What an honest post! Praying for you!
I find that whenever you write about one of "those" days, you always find the little blessings that God sneaks in the midst of everyday frustrations. I absolutely love and could not survive with out friends like you because as I sit at home and try to deal with one of "those" days, I think of all my wonderful friends who may be going through the same types of things with children, cleaning, etc., and I am immediately put at peace through that solidarity. We are co-creators and co-children-raisers with God for Heaven. What an amazing responsibility. If God "kisses us with little sufferings" as Mother Teresa says, we must be doing something right :)
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