Monday, July 27, 2009

One of THOSE Moms

One of THOSE Moms

So here I am! I’m back. This month has been the longest, and hardest, of my life. I will never again complain about being stressed out and busy in life, unless I really am in one of these situations again. God willing, I won't be. In reality….it’s something to prepare for.

I heard once that people who struggle with stress, anxiety and worry should ask themselves this question:

Is this going to matter in five years?

If the answer is “yes” then one can feel justified in allowing these emotions to consume them. I’m not sure how I feel about it, but it has crossed my mind in the last month.

I have so many things to work through with what we have been through, and don’t think the blog is the best place to do so, at least not right now. I will give this update though:

Joseph is doing well and seems to have recovered well from his surgery and set back. The process is taking much longer than it did three years ago when he had heart surgery, but the doctors say that is to be expected with having to go into the chest a second time. His spirits are high, and his doctors have said if he feels able, he should be able to resume his graduate program in September! Thank you all for your prayers and messages, they really meant so much to me and I will get around to addressing them. This brings me to a question for my fellow writers out there:

I’ve been writing a lot lately, big life events tend to do that to a writer. I’m using some of these things for some pieces I will be submitting, so I don’t know how much to share on the blog—thoughts—rules of the writing/blogging game? I would love to hear about how the rest of you wordsmiths deal with this.

Now, onto more important things – my children, and the reason for the title of this entry.
I always told myself I won’t be “one of THOSE moms.” I said this in reference to many things. One of these things has to do with art projects and general creative F-U-N. It is so very important to Joseph and I to nurture and affirm the creative development of our children. In doing so, I don’t mean that I want to “do” their projects for them, like SOME moms. I really want to provide them with the opportunity to be creative and to teach them, form a very young age, to create. I know some of my friends and family think I'm nuts for giving art projects to 6 month old babies, but I don’t want then to ever remember a time when they didn’t create! So, we WILL do projects in this home, and I WON’T be one of THOSE moms who directs/does the work for the child. They don’t need me, they are brilliant just being themselves.

Anna seems to take to the painting much more than Tessa. I remember doing projects with Tessa when she was Anna’s age and she tended to like taking apart and putting together the materials more than she liked actually using them. She also would rather play in the water bowl that I always have on hand for a project. We are realizing how very much she LOVES anything that has anything to do with water. She even talks to water, when she sees it and when she is laying in her bed at night talking to herself—it is all about water. She loves to swim and even goes under the water already. Joseph (a swimmer himself) is so very proud!

Anna LOVED the painting. She seemed to like how it felt on her hands and enjoyed moving it around on the paper. Like all things Anna does, she was very focused and pleased with having a task at hand—while Tessa screamed and danced and splashed in the “WAAAAAAAAHHHHHHYAAAAAARRRRRR”

Aunt Karyi and Daddy were here for the memory making day. It was very close to a perfect weekend! It was the first time, in a long time, we have felt semi-normal – like a family – not a “sick” family.
It was so needed.

Monday, July 13, 2009

Time for a Break

Sorry I have been MIA from the world of blog.

Joseph is doing well now, but had a set back last week, so I have been busy, busy.

With trying to keep our life going, work, taking care of the kids and looking into moving-- something had to give, and it was the blog.

I hope to be back up very soon!

Thursday, July 2, 2009

How Soon We Return

Look who sat in a chair today! He even got a heart pillow as his prize for making it through!

The past few weeks I have been able to think of nothing else. Conversations in my head went something like this:

“Anna has been up all night screaming every night this week. She is 7 months old, we really need to nip this thing in the bud….”

“Who cares, Joseph has to have heart surgery.”

Ok, so that is a an understandable response for the wife of a man facing a really scary heart procedure. But……

then it spiraled into:

“We have to go to the store because we are out of diapers.”

“Who cares, can’t think about that right now, Joseph has to be have heart surgery! Who knows if he will even be here to change diapers ever again! I can’t do this by myself, Oh my God, I will die, I will die……….I’ll go broke…..and crazy…….and I’ll have to move home with my parents……and my kids will hate me because I will cry through their whole lives……and I can’t lead their souls without Joseph………… they will end up getting paid to do things a lady doesn’t do…………”

Ok, so things got a wee bit out of control. In my defense, I have an amazing husband! He is truly, truly my best friend. We were even best friends before we stated dating. He changes diapers, gets up in the night to feed babies, cleans the bathrooms, and is a silently holy husband and father. So, yes, I was upset about the prospect of losing him, of the girls losing him.

Praise the Lord, his surgery went well and as of now, he is looking really good. We have a long road ahead of us in many, many ways. Your prayers are still humbly requested as this is only the first step for him and his health.

But, to me, for a while, this was the only step I could see, and it ended with a call from a surgeon in an operating room. That much I knew. I feel so very blessed by the outcome of that phone call. And then, about an hour after I was able to see him, as rough of shape as he was in, I started to think about everything else that needed to be done for life that I had let fall to the weigh side.

I’m now trying to play catch up; be by Joseph’s side, help with the girls, work, and budget for all these wonderful medical expenses. Don’t get me wrong, I am far from complaining here. I’m just realizing what I have done to myself.

So, before I go to sleep tonight (after I pay the bills and get some work done) I thought I would reflect again on Joy. The importance of finding Joy in the everyday aspects of life and taking that Joy and turning it into prayer has been really important to me over the last few months. I now see God was preparing me for the road ahead. He has taught my heart about Joy. He has taught me how to recognize Him, and all of His gifts, through Joy. In these everyday things I see grace, mercy and unconditional love. So, although yes, there is a lot on our plate here in the Rutchik home, I really just want to share our Joy, to be a witness through this gift.

In efforts to keep the Spirit of Joy alive and strong in my heart, I will share some of the Joys I have had through what have been a few of the most difficult days of my life:

My mom came to take care of my children. She pretty much canceled her life and came to pick up the pieces of mine.

My friends and family have been lining up to show me the face of Christ. The offers for assistance in any form have been pouring in and we really, truly appreciate every one of them.

My friend Krissy came to sit with me at the hospital while I waited. She did so with 2 kids at home and one in her arms. I know it was a sacrifice and she never once mentioned all the juggling she had to do to make it happen.

The medical professionals. I so appreciate their gifts, as they are so different then my own and so amaze me.

Prayer. We’ve been told by many people that our situation gave them something to pray for in a time when they felt they had fallen away from prayer. We have even been able to spend some good time in prayer with our friends. We have spent great time in prayer together.

My husband, who’s last words as they put the mask on him in the OR were, “Tell my wife I love her.” Seriously, with this man! He is romantic even in the scariest moment!

My marriage. I am so thankful for our marriage. When we face things like this I’m reminded how very strong and Christ centered our marriage is and I thank God for giving us the life situations that call us to this type of marriage.

The world. We have met and been blessed with such good people. In my mail box today we received two anonymous gifts of large sums of money. The sacrifice and dedication to the call of charitable giving in the hearts of these friends gives me hope for humanity. Who has money to spare in these times? No matter who these people are, they sacrificed because they anticipated the needs of others. How beautiful. It really touched my heart. We are all called to charitable giving in some way. It may or may not be in a financial way, but we have all been given gifts to share with one another. I thank these people for sharing with us their blessings, we will in turn pray for them. In the spirit of respecting their call to charitable giving, I won’t go asking around as to who would do such a thing and wouldn’t even know where to start.

My lovely, lovely ladies. Their faces so bright! They are my little pieces of Joy!!

And, now, my youngest little Joy is crying in the night, so off I go to enjoy some late night time with her!!

…how soon we return…..but we thank God for it!

Wednesday, July 1, 2009


Thank you all for your wonderful prayers and messages for my husband Joseph and our family.

I feel so thankful and blessed to report everything went well and according to plan! I was able to be with him as he woke up.

I apologize for the this quick and choppy post, but I wanted to give an update and send out thanksgiving for you all! I also have only slept about 2 hours in the last 48 hour period, so I hope I am making sense!

Please continue to pray for us through the night.

I'm feeling good, but think I will feel a lot better after he makes it through the night.....and the next night....and the next.........