Thursday, July 2, 2009

How Soon We Return

Look who sat in a chair today! He even got a heart pillow as his prize for making it through!

The past few weeks I have been able to think of nothing else. Conversations in my head went something like this:

“Anna has been up all night screaming every night this week. She is 7 months old, we really need to nip this thing in the bud….”

“Who cares, Joseph has to have heart surgery.”

Ok, so that is a an understandable response for the wife of a man facing a really scary heart procedure. But……

then it spiraled into:

“We have to go to the store because we are out of diapers.”

“Who cares, can’t think about that right now, Joseph has to be have heart surgery! Who knows if he will even be here to change diapers ever again! I can’t do this by myself, Oh my God, I will die, I will die……….I’ll go broke…..and crazy…….and I’ll have to move home with my parents……and my kids will hate me because I will cry through their whole lives……and I can’t lead their souls without Joseph………… they will end up getting paid to do things a lady doesn’t do…………”

Ok, so things got a wee bit out of control. In my defense, I have an amazing husband! He is truly, truly my best friend. We were even best friends before we stated dating. He changes diapers, gets up in the night to feed babies, cleans the bathrooms, and is a silently holy husband and father. So, yes, I was upset about the prospect of losing him, of the girls losing him.

Praise the Lord, his surgery went well and as of now, he is looking really good. We have a long road ahead of us in many, many ways. Your prayers are still humbly requested as this is only the first step for him and his health.

But, to me, for a while, this was the only step I could see, and it ended with a call from a surgeon in an operating room. That much I knew. I feel so very blessed by the outcome of that phone call. And then, about an hour after I was able to see him, as rough of shape as he was in, I started to think about everything else that needed to be done for life that I had let fall to the weigh side.

I’m now trying to play catch up; be by Joseph’s side, help with the girls, work, and budget for all these wonderful medical expenses. Don’t get me wrong, I am far from complaining here. I’m just realizing what I have done to myself.

So, before I go to sleep tonight (after I pay the bills and get some work done) I thought I would reflect again on Joy. The importance of finding Joy in the everyday aspects of life and taking that Joy and turning it into prayer has been really important to me over the last few months. I now see God was preparing me for the road ahead. He has taught my heart about Joy. He has taught me how to recognize Him, and all of His gifts, through Joy. In these everyday things I see grace, mercy and unconditional love. So, although yes, there is a lot on our plate here in the Rutchik home, I really just want to share our Joy, to be a witness through this gift.

In efforts to keep the Spirit of Joy alive and strong in my heart, I will share some of the Joys I have had through what have been a few of the most difficult days of my life:

My mom came to take care of my children. She pretty much canceled her life and came to pick up the pieces of mine.

My friends and family have been lining up to show me the face of Christ. The offers for assistance in any form have been pouring in and we really, truly appreciate every one of them.

My friend Krissy came to sit with me at the hospital while I waited. She did so with 2 kids at home and one in her arms. I know it was a sacrifice and she never once mentioned all the juggling she had to do to make it happen.

The medical professionals. I so appreciate their gifts, as they are so different then my own and so amaze me.

Prayer. We’ve been told by many people that our situation gave them something to pray for in a time when they felt they had fallen away from prayer. We have even been able to spend some good time in prayer with our friends. We have spent great time in prayer together.

My husband, who’s last words as they put the mask on him in the OR were, “Tell my wife I love her.” Seriously, with this man! He is romantic even in the scariest moment!

My marriage. I am so thankful for our marriage. When we face things like this I’m reminded how very strong and Christ centered our marriage is and I thank God for giving us the life situations that call us to this type of marriage.

The world. We have met and been blessed with such good people. In my mail box today we received two anonymous gifts of large sums of money. The sacrifice and dedication to the call of charitable giving in the hearts of these friends gives me hope for humanity. Who has money to spare in these times? No matter who these people are, they sacrificed because they anticipated the needs of others. How beautiful. It really touched my heart. We are all called to charitable giving in some way. It may or may not be in a financial way, but we have all been given gifts to share with one another. I thank these people for sharing with us their blessings, we will in turn pray for them. In the spirit of respecting their call to charitable giving, I won’t go asking around as to who would do such a thing and wouldn’t even know where to start.

My lovely, lovely ladies. Their faces so bright! They are my little pieces of Joy!!

And, now, my youngest little Joy is crying in the night, so off I go to enjoy some late night time with her!!

…how soon we return…..but we thank God for it!


Krissy A. said...

What an amazing post. Seriously. You are SO incredible, and your family is SO strong. I love you guys!

Roxane B. Salonen said...

Holly, thanks for sharing that cute photo of your hubby and the heart pillow, as well as all of your sorrows and joys of the recent days. God has blessed you, and even in the saddest, more disconcerting of moments, He was there.

Thanks for your prayers too, by the way. I feel incredibly humbled that you could think of others in your greatest time of need.


jessica said...

I'm praising God with you that your husbands surgery went well! My son is having open heart surgery next month so I know how scary it can least to a degree.

I LOVE your blog!

Katherine said...

I'm so glad everything went so well! Thanks be to God!

Kelley said...

Glad to hear you're both recovering. I hope your days have been good ones full of progress and renewed hope and energy!