Friday, June 19, 2009

....And God Hit Pause........

……And God Hit Pause……

Uggg. That is about all I can say. For a few days, I have thought about how I was going to write this blog, IF I was going to write this blog.

Last week, I announced right here on Falling Upward that Joseph is going back to school and we will be moving come the fall. And then, he had his yearly Marfan’s appointment. The best laid plans…..

The best laid plans seem to bite the Rutchik family right in the ***, if you really want to know how I feel.

The long and the short of it is that his heart is leaking, a lot. This leak has caused it to enlarge by quite a bit. If that wasn’t bad enough, we aren’t just feeling like our world is falling in on us, we are feeling like it’s our fault. Three years ago, followed by an emergency wedding, he had an aortic root replacement. Upon the recommendations of well, everyone, we went with the valve saving option. And, here we are, three years later, having what was done before undone, to get to the valve, replacing the valve, and re-doing what was done three years ago. We don’t blame anyone, only 5% of people end of having to have the valve replaced in the first 5 years. We should have known. If ever there were going to be people in that 5%, if would be us.

So, here we are, going to consults and completing tests so we can set this nightmare up. It should happen very soon, at the recommendation of our doctor.

There it is. This is now the only priority in my life. My husband is very worried about money (we don’t have disability as an option at his job) and having to parent while not being able to hold the girls. As the wife, I’m more worried about, well, I won’t even write it, but you must know what I’m worried about. I could care less about all of those other things. We’ll figure that all out after we get through the operation. I’ll live in a cardboard box if I can do it at the side of my husband. I love him more than anything else I could ever want in life.

I didn’t know if I wanted to blog about this, or if I wanted to go MIA from the blogging world as I have done with Facebook. However, God willing, I will sitting in hospitals for many, many weeks to come, and will need something to keep me sane. Plus, this family needs prayers, prayers, prayers, and I know the Catholic mommy community here in the blogging world can offer me that. I thought about making one of those cool buttons like I have seem other families do when they are in need of prayer for health reasons, but I don’t know how to do that and I don’t really have many followers. I’m not a blogging expert, by any means. I surly don't have the energy to take a crash course in the art of the blog. I don't have the energy to eat, or smile right now.

So, I will blog on, I guess! I’m experiencing very dramatic peaks and valleys right now, so I can’t promise a well balanced person, but it will be me. This is my life now.

I’ve had some extraordinary experiences just since this happened on Wednesday. I am in the process of putting words to those experiences and sharing them here. They involve the great support of family and friends, faith struggles and feeling as if we are known as the “Poor Rutchiks” instead of just “The Rutchiks.” We seriously seem to have that cartoon cloud overhead. We discussed how humbling and difficult it is to know there are so many people praying and thinking of us. Although it makes us very uncomfortable, we unfortunately are in great need of it, again..........and thus, I end with a prayer request.

We are:

Joseph and Holly
Teresa ( 18 months) Anna (6 months)

Please join me on what I hope will be a journey full of faith and miracles. Pray for Joseph’s health, pray for our baby gals who love their daddy so much, pray for our faith..............

..............pray that God has only hit “pause.”


Anonymous said...

You've got it. (By the way, I was baptised Anna Teresia. I don't think I will be forgetting your girls anytime soon :) )

And as you very well know, this is not your fault. Those 5% are 5% of 100% normal people who were also advised to keep the valve because there was no reason not to. (But do advise your husband that next time he wants to be extra-special, he can pick the top 5%, or bake a difficult cake, or something.)

You got through it before, you'll get through it again, and then when the church ladies say your husband has such a big heart you can smirk and tell them they have no idea.

NC Sue said...

Hi, Holly,

Wow - it sounds like you've got quite a load of worries you're carrying just now. You're right to open your heart about it and to ask for help in the form of prayers. Ask, too, for help in the form of folks helping with the kids when you need it, or perhaps making meals for you to freeze when you've got too much going on to do it yourself.

You don't have to do this alone. You have people who are willing to walk through this with you, and, more importantly, God will be with you the entire way. Lean on him. Ask Him for his guidance and strength. Pray, and then pray some more! He will lead you through this! And as for me, I'm sending up prayers for you right now.

God bless you,


Anne said...

Holly, your story jerked the tears right out of my eyes. I am praying. I will continue to pray. You seem to be such a beautiful family, I trust that when God hits the "play" button again, your life will be filled with more joys than you can imagine.

Katherine said...

I will certainly keep your family in prayer. God be with all of you.

Emily said...

I don't know you but I feel I do anyway. Tears are falling and I will be praying.

You and your precious family are loved.

Sarah Mae said...

It's not just the Catholic community you have praying, friend. I'm right beside you.

We should talk...and I have a friend who will most likely make you a button. Let me get to work...

Kelley said...

Oh Holly. I'm so very sorry that you're enduring this situation at all, much less when you were so ready to start down a new and exciting path!

As terrible as this is, having discovered the leak after your family had moved and started school might have been even more of a disaster in your life. You know I'm always looking for God's purpose in my own life. Sometimes it's blatantly obvious (and I think he lays those out for us to help us with our faith), but other times we may discover in hindsight if ever. You are an amazingly faithful and generous wife and mother, and I'm sure that will only be magnified by though the surgery and recovery.

I will be lifting your family in prayer that this challenge brings your all closer than ever, and I will be praying for you, that He will provide some peace for you and continue to give you the strength that is needed to hold the family together through all of this.

I'm also happy to hear that you're keeping your blog. The occasional updates will allow my prayers to be more specific. Hang in there- We can endure all things through Christ who gives up strength!

Nana in Nashville said...


Trena said...

Your family will be in my prayers! Please keep us posted.

Here is a tutorial on how to make a button for your website:

Roxane B. Salonen said...

Holly, tough, tough news. You already know you're in my prayers but wanted to say it again just in case.

Are you off FB altogether now? It's hard to keep up, isn't it?

Thinking of you, and glad the cat made you smile.

Roxane (Peace Garden Mama)

Lady Malai said...

You've got our prayers and our thoughts always, Holly. Whenever you are ready to talk, just let me know and I'll give you a ring. If you need some help in anyway, we will offer what we can whether it be a sanity break at Barnes and Noble, Tessa and Anna coming to visit us for a while (especially when Joseph is in the hospital or recovering), or just some time in silent reflective prayer together, we're here for you!

I can't imagine how worried and scared you are, but I know you are strong and a wonderful example of God's love and you will get through this with so much grace. But, please know as you go down this road, you have lots of friends who will take your hand or walk with you. You and your family are never alone!

Love you lots, sweetie. I wish there was something I could do to help lessen your burden.

American History said...

Keeping you and your family in our prayers. We lit a candle at the Church of the Holy Sepulcher thanks to God bless.