Wednesday, April 22, 2009

I Can't Do It All

The family I'm called to love, serve, pray for and with. Why do I seem to forget I am in there too?
Well, I was blessed today to have:
had a lovely time of fellowship at playgroup this morning.
gone to lunch and shopping (well, diapers) with a friend.
had a dance party in the living room with Tessa.
shared a silent half hour in prayer as Anna slept in my arms.
been blessed with two wonderful friends who I also get to work with.
shared a really nice meal with my family--a meal where Tessa fed herself the entire time!
Loaded the dishwasher--and remember to run it!
gotten the bills paid.
gotten some work done.
Spent time with the most amazing man in the world.

However, I am feeling discouraged because I WANTED to do more. I tell myself I NEEDED to do more--but this balance is one I am beginning to understand as the dance of the mama--one that will never be mastered. I should feel good tonight right? But, I still stay up until all hours of the night, as if I, Holly, can control time and make it create more of itself. Wow! How self-centered am I?

As I head off to bed tonight, I pray for my children, my family and friends, and for strength. I like to start and end all prayer with prayers of thanksgiving, they keep me grounded and prevent me from only turning to God when I am in need. But, tonight I may just pray a little extra for myself. I pray for my eyes and ears to be a little more open to God; His will and His timing. I pray for the ability to shut off my mind and the self-deprecating parts of me. I pray for the ability to turn my shameful face not inward, but upward.

God's blessings on this joyful night.

1 comment:

Kaycee said...

Don't be too hard on yourself. It sounds like you have your priorities straight and are taking care of all the necessary things, everything else can wait.