This is me--in my true vocation-- with my daughter Anna on her birth day this winter.
When you’re one of those people who dips their fingers into many pots, you often feel as though you don’t have a “thing.” I’ve always been one of those people. Slightly talented at many things, but not amazingly gifted at anything. This is my personal assessment and of course, as any great husband would, mine disagrees.
When a student struggles with a major or a career path in college (as I did, changing majors 5 times) they are told to go back to what they were good at and loved as a child, and there will lie the answer. I always found this to be horrible advice and quite frankly, a cop out answer one tells the kid who is going nowhere.
I have recently changed my mind—I’ve done so as I’ve come to understand God. God really does love each and every one of us unconditionally. Imago Dei-in the image and likeness of God. I’ve often had a difficult time thinking of God in this way. Yes, I’ve been able to grasp the concept that He loves me (and all those I struggle to find the face of Christ in daily) but, He created me for a very specific reason and only I can fulfill His purpose for me. Wow! That is like no other type of love. So how does God do this? He gives us gifts that will aid us in loving and serving him in the way He created us to. Therefore, a wasted or unused gift may even be a sin.
It is through becoming a wife and mother I’ve come to better understand this aspect of our God. Tricky how that works huh? It’s when we come into our vocation, His plan for us, we are drawn closer to Christ. Now, I would never, ever, image using the phrase “just a mother,” it is by far the most challenging and rewarding thing I have ever, or will ever, undertake. However, I do still think about that little me, sitting in the elementary class room, rushing though my assignments, doing a poor job of it and not caring. I just wanted to get them done so I could take out my book and read or my journal and write. I find it amusing my greatest gift is with words, and I am dyslexic. What a blessing to have a humbling quality build right into my gift! Words have been a part of me since I can remember and after prayer and discernment, I believe God has given me a gift with words for a reason.
I’m on a mission to find this reason! I started bloging so I would have documentation of my days as a young mommy. But what truly sets my heart on fire are the things I find to write about in the wee hours of the night/morning. At times, I feel God guides me through my written reflection and projects. Because it brings me closer to Him, I know He is pleased I’m taking personal time for it. I’ve never been really good at goals or self-discipline, but I figure if it involves something pleasing to God, I may just indeed have the follow through. A year and a half ago, when I turned 27, I vowed to be published by the time I turn thirty. It hasn’t happened yet. I know I have a year and a half to go, but I am becoming discouraged. I would be speaking falsely if I said I had been trying really hard to make this happen. However, I feel I’ve kept the goal and the discipline to achieve it—I just don’t know how to go about making it happen. Because I have the true intentions of using my gift only for the glory and service of God, I humbly ask for advice and help.
May God bless you as you live out your vocation and search for new and better ways to serve and give glory to Him. I too, will pray for you!
4 comments:
Holly, I'm here to encourage you, as a fellow writer. You can call yourself a writer starting right now. In one of your next posts, I hope you will say it, loud and clear. A writer is a work in progress. If writing is your passion, you are a writer. You don't become an author after x, y or z. It's who you are and what makes you tick. What an amazing thing to have this passion and have dyslexia as well. I look forward to checking in from time to time to see how it's going. In the meantime, keep your goals, but maybe be a little more lax with the timeline. I've heard ten years from when you start pursuing publishing to when it is likely to happen if you work hard at it. Of course, this can vary to either extreme, but it's a hard gig so go easy on yourself. And read The Artist's Way if you can. Good luck!
Holly,
As you know, I, too, have been one to dip my paintbrush into many pots. It has only been recently that I am beginning to see the beautiful picture I have come to create that is my life. Welcome to the blogging world, and go you for stepping out into the unknown to find just what it is that God is trying to show you. Pax Et Bonum!
Holly, you are a woman after my own heart with your goal to write... or am I a woman after your heart? I also believe God has planted in me the gift and the desire to write and be published, for His glory. That is the reason I also started my blog... to explore that. I believe if that is God's plan for us, He will give us the time and the tools, and the subject and inspiration, to do it, and will guide our pens or hands. I also am very anxious to start my writing and to be published soon but am learning that my primary vocation right now is as a mommy and a wife, and the publishing needs to take second seat to that at this point. Of course, my situation is different in that I also have a full-time job outside the home, so that cuts back on my time to write further. But I long to give God glory and also to grow closer to Him through writing. God bless you in your pursuit to write and in your vocation as a wife and a mommy also!
Holly,
You fooled me about your dyslexia. Your writing and dyslexia have nothing to do with one another, but in fact, very separate. You will achieve your ideal of publishing someday and am happy to hear that you have a goal for yourself. As a mama you won't have much time, but maybe by putting time in during your sleepless nights you will have a book together sooner than you think. (Ha, ha.) May God bless you and grant you with the time you need to fulfill the desires of your heart.
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